The Healing of A Woman’s Heart – To Be Seen or Not To Be Seen – by Thomas Koester

A little girl understands the significance of inner beauty from her daddy. Her mother may teach her the practicality and meaning of femininity, but her daddy will teach her the importance of feminine beauty and being captivating in heart and soul.

To ignore this, writes John Eldredge; “…to dismiss her little twirls, her bashful smiles, and cries, of: “Daddy, do you see me? Daddy, do you delight in me? Daddy, do you have time for me?” It is to create ugliness on the inside and an overemphasis on significance and beauty on the outside.

So many little girls are wounded in heart and soul, not only by a brute father, cruelty, or physical violence. This is not to marginalize or diminish the pain of abuse, which so many little girls and women have suffered, but a father’s absence, busyness, or silence can damage her inner beauty and feminine heart.

I know this because I have a fantastic, graceful, brilliant, and gentle daughter named Tessa. She is blessed with a natural outer beauty, and, despite my long periods of absence in her younger years, she radiates inner beauty and a love for life. She is also very creative and has become a very bright and savvy businesswoman.

Yes, I know about wounded little girls and wounded wives. I wish I could undo the absent and silent years while I was too busy with career and acclimation, fame, and fortune. I hate that not only did I validate much of my wife’s wounding, but I created wounding within the heart and soul of my precious daughter.

But, as fathers and daddies, if we turn our hearts back towards our daughters, they can be set free to twirl, smile, and light up with inner beauty, no matter how young or old. It is never, absolutely never too late to heal the damage we men, young and old, have inflicted on the most precious gift as a little girl.

If we don’t, she’ll go on, accentuating her outer beauty and cultivating and shaping her femininity as a weapon against other women and allurement to capture men’s primal instinct and attention, whereby she’ll ruin herself repeatedly.

The hole in her heart is caused not by strangers, boyfriends, or lovers but by a father, and no other man on earth can make her whole again except the man called her daddy.

A wound where there are no tears, but only a hardened heart and dry soul, is a heart and soul that a miracle can only heal. Fathers, you are that miracle.

My daughter has told me many times, while we’re in public, “did you see the way that girl looked at me?” It took me a while to understand and catch what she had experienced, but one day, I saw the snarling look girls gave to pretty girls. The irony is that the angry or jealous girl may be beautiful herself.

But doesn’t this speak to the real issue — the real battle within the wounded feminine heart and soul?

She feels threatened and at war with outer beauty; no matter how unattractive or beautiful an opponent may be, she can’t help but constantly compare herself to them. Her extreme focus blinds her to the inner emptiness of others. This is because she has long forgotten or is unaware of her inner beauty. So all that is left is the shell and not the substance of who she truly is. She is lost.

A wise and good father will point his daughter to a greater Father by loving her from the inside out. By loving her from his heart to hers, he grants her the belief and faith in a Loving and Father-Hearted God.

“No one can come to the Father, Jesus has said, except through me.” John 14: 6. And, with the passageway and destination to God being both males, a father-wounded girl may have difficulty trusting these words of Jesus, or the goodness of the heart of a Father-God.

The Evil One uses a father’s inexperience and his childhood wounding from his father to harm the daughters and sons that he may father. This is called a schism, a well-planted wedge of hurt and pain from one victim to the next, from one father to daughters and sons, until generations are inflicted with heartlessness, self-loathing, and external emphasis.

If we fail to turn to our daughters, a wounded girl will compete aggressively among other sufferers, among other wounded girls. The only difference between a wounded little girl and a wounded and grown woman is the cost of their hair, makeup, clothing, and accessories.

I have nothing against makeup, clothing, or a little bling. But, if you want the right kind of man, wouldn’t you instead captivate him with your heart and soul? If not, you may fall for a guy who’ll not see you, not delight in you, and not spends time with you. You’ll settle for the abuse of silence and busyness, a hollow man only satisfied with your competitive and external beauty, which you must constantly fight against, foods, fads, and aging.

Wouldn’t you want a man who values and is captivated by your heart and soul? After all, your heart and soul are eternal and not external.

Healing is possible. Life is possible. And Love is worth fighting for, and a daddy’s love is worth risking the hurt of possible rejection. But, “faith, hope, and love are eternal,” and, as it further says in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, the Love Chapter, “Love keeps no record of wrongs.”

…Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hope, and always perseveres. Love never fails.

…And now these three remain faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13: 4-8, 13.

If you want “Happily Ever After,” you must find the guy who’s after your heart, not your body or made-up face. When you do, you’ll be happy and free to live and be loved truly.

It is the heart; it’s always been the heart. And not only is this the part of you which Christ came to heal, but also to make his home with you, inside your heart.

“The Spirit of the Lord, the Eternal, is on me. The Lord has appointed me for a special purpose. He has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to repair broken hearts, And to declare to those who are held captive and bound in prison, “Be free from your imprisonment!” He has sent me to announce the year of jubilee, the season of the Eternal One’s favor:

For our enemies, it will be a day of God’s wrath; For those who mourn, it will be a time of comfort. As for those who grieve over Zion, God has sent me to give them a beautiful crown in exchange for ashes, To anoint them with gladness instead of sorrow, to wrap them in victory, joy, and praise instead of depression and sadness.” Isaiah 61: 1-3 (VOICE)

To be seen or not to be seen? That is a great question. Start with the healing of your heart, and all will go well with you.

Be seen as radiant and beautiful of heart, and let all other fads, fashions, and accessories go, as nothing is more important than you and the little girl who was once lost and is now found, loved, and celebrated of heart and soul.

I see you!

I love the scene from the movie, “The Last of the Mohicans,” when Cora Munro, played by Madeleine Stowe, is seen by Hawkeye, played by Daniel Day-Lewis.

Cora: “What are you looking at, Sir?”

-She neither expected nor anticipated the answer she received and appeared awkward and bashful, but she is captivated by his seeing her.-

“I’m looking at you, Miss,” Hawkeye said steadily.

I’m looking at you, Toni. You are a captivating, radiant woman of heart and soul. … I see you!

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