The Healing of A Woman’s Heart – To Be Seen or Not to Be Seen – By Thomas Koester

A little girl understands the significance of inner beauty by her daddy. Her mother may teach her the practicality and meaning of femininity, but her daddy will teach her the significance of her feminine beauty and being captivating in heart and soul. To ignore this; writes John Eldredge, “…to dismiss her little twirls, her bashful smiles, and cries, of: “Daddy, do you see me? Daddy, do you delight in me? Daddy, do you have time for me?” Is to create ugliness on the inside and an overemphasis of significance and beauty on the outside.

So many little girls are wounded in heart and soul, but not only by a brute father, cruelty, or physical violence. This is not to marginalize, or diminish the pain of abuse, which so many little girls and women have suffered, but a father’s absence, busyness, or silence can be very damaging to her inner beauty and feminine heart.

I know this, because I have a wonderful, graceful; very intelligent and gentle daughter, named Tessa. She is blessed with a natural outer beauty, and, in spite of my long periods of absence in her younger years, she radiates with inner beauty and a love for life. She is also very creative and a very bright business woman.

Yes, I know about wounded little girls and wounded wives. I wish I could undo the absent and silent years, while I was too busy with career and acclimation, fame and fortune. I hate that not only did I validated much of my wife’s wounding, but created wounding within the heart and soul of my precious daughter.

But, as fathers and daddies, if we turn our hearts back towards our daughters, they can be set free to twirl, smile and light up with inner beauty, no matter how young, or old. It is never, absolutely never too late to heal the damage we men, young and old have inflicted on the most precious gift as a little girl.

If we don’t, she’ll go on, and on accentuating her outer beauty and cultivating and shaping her femininity as a weapon against other women, and an allurement to capture men’s primal instinct and attention, whereby she’ll ruin herself, over and over again.

The hole in her heart is caused not by strangers, boyfriends, or lovers, but by a father, and no other man on earth can make her whole again, except the man called her daddy.

My daughter has told me many times, while we’re in public; “did you see the way that girl looked at me?” It took me awhile to understand and catch what she had experienced, but one day, I saw the snarling look girls give to pretty girls. The irony is that the angry or jealous girl may be beautiful herself.

But doesn’t this speak to the real issue; the real battle within the wounded feminine heart and soul? She feels threatened and at war with outer beauty, no matter how ugly an opponent may be, as she is blinded to the inner ugliness of others, she is also blind to the forgotten inner beauty of herself. So all that is left, is the shell and not the substance of who she truly is. She is lost.

A wise and good father will point his daughter to a greater Father, by loving her from the inside out. By loving her from his heart to hers, grants her the belief and faith in a Loving, and Father-Hearted God.

“No one can come to the Father, Jesus has said, except through me.” John 14: 6. And, with the passage way and destination to God being both male, a father-wounded girl may have great difficulty trusting these words of Jesus, or the goodness of the heart of a Father-God.

The Evil One uses a father’s inexperience and his own childhood wounding from his own father, to wound the daughters and sons that he may father. This is called a schism, a well planted wedge of hurt and pain from one victim to the next; from one father to daughters and sons, and so on, until generations are inflicted with heartlessness, self loathing and external living.

If we fail to turn to our daughters, a wounded girl will compete aggressively among other sufferers; among other wounded girls. The only difference between a wounded little girl and a wounded and grown women, is the cost of their hair, makeup, clothing and accessories.

I have nothing against makeup, clothing, or a little bling. But, if you want the right kind of man, wouldn’t you rather captivate him with your heart and soul? If not, you may fall for a guy who’ll not see you, not delight in you, and not spend time with you. You’ll settle for the abuse of silence and busyness; a hollow man, only satisfied with your competitive and external beauty, which you must constantly fight against foods, fads and aging.

Wouldn’t you want a man, who values and is captivated by your heart and soul? After all, your heart and soul are eternal and not external.

Healing is possible. Life is possible. and Love is worth fighting for and a daddy’s love is worth risking the hurt of possible rejection. But, “faith, hope and love is eternal,” and, as it further says in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, the Love Chapter, “Love keeps no record of wrongs.”

…Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

…And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13: 4-8, 13.

If you want “Happily Ever After,” you have to find the guy who’s after your heart, not your body or made up face. When you do, you’ll be happy and free to truly live and to truly be loved.

It is the heart, it’s always been the heart. And not only is this the part of you, which Christ came to heal, but also to make his home with you, inside your heart.

“The Spirit of the Lord, the Eternal, is on me. The Lord has appointed me for a special purpose. He has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to repair broken hearts, And to declare to those who are held captive and bound in prison, “Be free from your imprisonment!” He has sent me to announce the year of jubilee, the season of the Eternal One’s favor:

for our enemies it will be a day of God’s wrath; For those who mourn it will be a time of comfort. As for those who grieve over Zion, God has sent me to give them a beautiful crown in exchange for ashes, To anoint them with gladness instead of sorrow, to wrap them in victory, joy, and praise instead of depression and sadness.” Isaiah 61: 1-3 (VOICE)

To be seen or not to be seen? That is a great question. Start with the healing of your heart and all will go well with you.

Be seen as radiant and beautiful of heart, and let all other fads, fashions and accessories go, as nothing is more important than you and the little girl who was once lost, and is now found, loved and celebrated of heart and soul.

I see you!

I love the scene from the movie, “The Last of the Mohicans,” when Cora Munro, played by Madeleine Stowe is seen by Hawkeye, played by Daniel Day Lewis.

Cora: “What are you looking at, Sir?”

-She neither expected nor anticipated the answer she received, and appears awkward and bashful, but nonetheless she is captivated by his seeing her.-

“I’m looking at you, Miss,” Hawkeye said, steadily.

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