“Be careful that no one fails to get God’s grace. Be careful that no one loses their faith and becomes like a bitter weed growing among you. Someone like that can ruin your whole group.” —Hebrews 12:15 (ERV)
A simple yet profound question from a friend has stayed with me:
“Tom, are you bitter or better?”
Life’s trials will come, but our choice determines our sense of peace. Bitterness isolates; betterness unites. By embracing God’s redemptive grace and forgiving others, we unlock a life of freedom, love, and meaningful relationships.
We are all confronted with hurt and pain from others. The choice to become bitter or better is available to all of us. The choice always comes down to two letters, the letter i or the e, b(i)tter or b(e)tter.
Bitterness is a collection of wrongs done by others, causing emotional constipation, psychological disfigurement, and spiritual disconnection from God and others.
The Holy Spirit wants to move us away from bitterness and leads us towards betterment. That is what God’s grace means here—the empowerment to avoid bitterness.
Matter of fact, the verse from Hebrews warns us to be careful that no one fails to receive God’s grace and that no one loses their faith. In other words, we need to watch each others back, rather than plunging knives into them.
Bitterness is the absence of God’s grace, as it displaces his presence, his wisdom, and conviction of the Holy Spirit. A bitter person is always looking to recruit people into their cesspool of bitter complaints. If you join them you’ll get drawn into their emotional quicksand with no one to rescue you!
We become bitter only when we reject God’s grace whispered to us by the Holy Spirit, and when we follow and listen to bitter people. Bitterness is a contagion; it is contracted through casual gossip and always corrupts the mind before it rots the soul. Bitterness has destroyed marriages, families, businesses, and especially churches.
Stay with God’s Word and his distinct and clear voice. Obey the Holy Spirit and become better. If not, you’ll destroy your faith, and walk away from God and the people who truly love you!
Even if you are bitter, you can become better. According to Hebrews 12:15, the antidote against bitterness is ensuring that not one person is missing out from God’s grace. Doing that leaves little time and opportunity for bitterness to take root.
When you stab yourself and others with bitterness, you also forfeit God’s grace that could be yours.
People will love a better you, but bitterness will drive even your closest friends away. Bitterness is a pill, whereby its side effect causes loneliness and detachment. Not only between those who love you, but even within yourself. Your bitterness makes you dangerous—a danger to yourself and others.
Bitterness grows within your heart and soul, like a destructive and evasive tree root. It enters into areas it doesn’t belong, causing emotional disfigurment, and psychological damage. But its damage is reversible. There is hope and healing!
Do you want to live a better life?
Then forgive the offense of others, and you’ll live a bitter free life.
I know—I know, you’ve been terribly hurt or offended. But your bitterness puts you in competition with God. You’re actually saying, “I know better than God,” and therefore you feel justified to condemn. That’s pretty tragic, don’t you think?
But the longer you hold onto bitterness, the more impossible it is for you to forgive. The longer you wait to forgive those who’ve hurt you the further away God’s grace becomes.
I don’t want you to miss out on God’s grace, I want you free and full of life, just like you used to be. I want you to find your faith again in God and to enjoy his presence in your soul.
I want you to love and to be loved again. I want you to stop the cruelty to your heart and soul!
Don’t you see?
Bitterness is not the cure—it’s a poison! The real cure may seem impossible, but it’s the only cure that will set you free and put you on the road to recovery.
The only cure to bitterness is forgiveness. Forgiveness is even more powerful if you were to lead in it. I promise that if you do, you’ll be right as rain and feeling better and not bitter.
It’s those forgotten little memories that can change everything!
Early in 1998, my brother called and told me that my dad was dying of cancer and that dad was asking for me.
When I heard this, I was very upset. Not that my father was dying, mind you, but that he’d asked for me. I needed him all my life, and now, he’s asking for me?
“Tell Dad I’m not coming!” I replied.
I have four brothers and a sister, and they all called me, urging me to visit Dad. A week or so went by, and I finally caved into the pressure.
I first visited my dad in the Contra Costa County Hospital, as the VA in Martinez, California, was short on beds. There, he lay in a bed surrounded by adjustable rails. My younger brother, John, and my mother were present.
My mom pulled me aside to tell me the seriousness of Dad’s esophageal cancer. She said, “It doesn’t look good, I’ve researched the prognosis, and he doesn’t have much time left.” By the time I had visited my father, he’d already been battered by chemotherapy and every other treatment.
The cancer had permanently closed up his esophagus, and he could no longer swallow but was fed through a feeding tube, which was surgically inserted through the side of his abdomen and directly into his stomach. My father was so frightened; I had never seen him so fragile and helpless.
Since things did not look good for my dad, I called one of my pastors from our church in Danville, California, called East Bay Fellowship, which I was attending with my wife and kids. I asked if Pastor Allan Shrewsbury could come by and pray over my father in the hope that it would give him some comfort.
Pastor Allan quickly arrived, praying with my dad and confirming my father’s faith and trust in Jesus Christ as his Savior.
It was getting late, and we began to ready ourselves to leave when I noticed tears filling my father’s eyes, along with the room filling with a sense of heaviness. It seemed as though this might be our last goodbye. I think the feeling of; “he may not make it through the night” hit all of us at the same time.
Compassion began to rise within my heart. I leaned over his bedrail and gently kissed my father’s unshaven face. His prickly whiskers caused my lips to tingle. My brother John leaned in and kissed our dad, as did my mom, and then we all tried to convince and reassure him that he would be fine as we slowly left the room.
As John and I walked out together towards the parking lot, my lips still tingling, I said:
“John, there is something strangely familiar about kissing dad.” I continued:
“My lips—they’re still tingling!”
John responded:
“What’s up with you, Tom? Don’t you remember when we were little kids, we’d line up in front of dad’s favorite chair and kiss him goodnight on his cheek, and he’d say with a smile,
’… Don’t let the bedbugs bite!’”
All of a sudden, good memories came flooding into my mind. That gentle kiss on my father’s unshaven face was a key to my dungeon of despair and loneliness. All my years of anger, bitterness, and hatred; all my doubts and unforgiveness, all swallowed up from the tingly whiskers of my father’s unshaven face!
After that moment, I couldn’t wait to see my father. I saw him over the next several months as often as I could.
Several weeks before my dad passed away, a nurse came into his hospital room, asking:
“Who is your executor and healthcare director?”
My father lifted his feeble arm and pointed in my direction. I turned to see if one of my two older brothers was behind me, but there was no one.
For some, this would have been an unwelcome appointment, a burden, but for me, it meant I had my father’s complete and utter trust and respect. The significance of my dad’s appointment was a paradigm shift for me, possibly one of my most life-affirming events.
Later, I learned that my father had consulted with my mother about whom he should appoint as Trustee of his estate and healthcare. My mother agreed with my dad on his final choice. My sister, Laurie, was also named co-trustee. Simply amazing!
A few weeks later, my dad’s condition was worsening. His organs were beginning to show signs of shutting down. At this point, my siblings and I would trade off, spending the night with Dad alone.
Finally, it was my turn. It was October 7, 1998. I arrived shortly after the dinner hour. A nurse brought in a cot with a blanket and a pillow for me to sleep on. My dad and I talked for quite a while, mostly about politics, which was my dad’s favorite topic. Soon, it was lights out, which never happens in a hospital.
As I lay there, realizing the significance of this moment with my dad, I knew if I didn’t say what was indeed on my heart now, that this moment would be lost forever. You see, my father had never told me that he loved me. I was thirty-nine years old, and my dad was about to turn sixty-nine the next day. I wanted so much to hear those words from him; no, I needed to hear those words from him—something in me was guiding me and granting me the courage to say what I needed to say:
“Dad?”
“Yes, son?” he replied
Dad … I love you!” I said cautiously.
Only mere seconds passed by, but it felt like years.
“… I love you too, son,” Dad replied.
I exchanged “I love you” with my dad for what seemed like all night long! I said those precious and life-giving words, which he echoed back:
“I love you too, son.”
All my hate and anger against my dad had washed away, and now for good! I heard the three most important words every son or daughter needs to hear:
“I love you, son!”
“Look, I am sending you the prophet Elijah before the great and dreadful day of the LORD arrives. His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers. Otherwise, I will come and strike the land with a curse.” — Malachi 4: 5-6
The days of the “curse” were finally over for me. For a greater spirit than Elijah had entered that hospital room that night. The Spirit of the Living God had softened the hearts of father and son, and the mess I had made of my life suddenly became beautiful!
“His wrath, you see, is fleeting, but His grace lasts a lifetime. The deepest pains may linger through the night, but joy greets the soul with the smile of morning.” — Psalms 30:5
My dad, while broken with cancer, poured into me so much life and hope, and, in such a short time! The man whom I had despised all of my life was my dad, with whom I just fell in love but who is now leaving.
The morning came, with it, a smile and a “Happy Birthday, Dad!”
It was October 8, 1998, and my father wanted to get cleaned up for his Birthday. He said:
“Tom, get my shaving bag, it’s over there, in that cabinet.”
“Here it is, Dad,” I replied.
“Okay, get my Electric Shave lotion and my razor out,” my dad directed, and then he asked:
“Son, will you shave my face?”
This may sound silly, but this was the most intimate moment I’ve ever had with my father. The whiskers that tingled my lips and softened the hardness of my heart, the mouth that finally spoke: “I love you too, son,” was the face I was about to care for and shave.
“The deepest pains may linger through the night, but joy greets the soul with the smile of morning.”
… and I shaved my father’s face.
That is why I would not change a single moment of my life. The pain is swallowed up in the sweetness of heartfelt forgiveness and the “I love yous.” For what had become broken has now been given, and the mess of my life has now become beautiful!
Four days later, on October 12, 1998, my father passed away. At his right-hand side, I stood a restored and beloved son, loved and approved. As life was quickly draining from my dad, he looked up towards the ceiling, letting out his final breath; he smiled, his heartbeat stopped, and we wept loudly in the grief of our great loss! I then reached over his body and closed my father’s eyes.
He died my hero triumphantly and bravely; he faced death and passed from this life into the heart of God.
“Death swallowed by triumphant Life! Who got the last word? Oh, Death, who’s afraid of you now?” – I Corinthians 15:55
While this was both a painful and magical time for me, these events with my father were a new beginning and a paradigm shift for my present and future.
I can honestly say that God used the final moments of my father’s life to make me into a better man, a restored son, and a better father.
Letting my anger for my father go allowed love to come bursting in. Becoming my father’s beloved son made it possible for me to believe I could be God’s beloved son, too.
Good night. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite. I’ll see you in heaven. I love you, dad!
We can’t live a happy life with an unforgiving soul and a stubborn heart.
When we refuse to forgive ourselves and others, we split our identity. One part loaths the offender, and the part hates self. It is the inner voice of self hatred and toxic unforgivness, which curses the outer self of life and the inner self of peace.
I know you know what I’m saying. I’m not trying to gulit you, but to help you!
I don’t want you to end up with two personalities in one body. That’s a horrible way to live!
One world is real, full of life, hope, and dreams. The other is false — filled with lies, masks, and illusions. Sure, you can survive in your false world, but you were made for so much more than surviving…
… and I think you know that!
You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong. You don’t know what it is—you feel trapped inside—imprisoned by offense. Maybe you feel like a hostage, only it’s you that holds the key to your own prison cell.
In the movie The Matrix, Neo asks Morpheus a question:
“If you’re killed in the matrix, you die here?”
Morpheus:
“The body can not live without the mind.”
The book of James puts it this way:
“The splinter of a divided mind shatters your compass and leaves you dizzy and confused.” —James 1:8
Do not yield to thoughts of condemnation for others and hatred of self, for the end of such thoughts are self-destruction and death. You need to yield to, and desire wisdom from God, who understands both the body and the mind. But if you reject his wisdom and truth, your inner thoughts, no matter how untrue and false, will become reality. For either the wisdom from God and the belief of self-hatred are both initiated by faith. You see, faith activates the power of both truth and lies.
If you believe in the truth and wisdom from God, you will live and thrive. Conversely, if you believe in self-hatred and unforgivness, you will become lifeless and die. For the body obeys the mind, and a double minded person is unstable, confused, and lost.
I don’t want you lost—I want you found and freed!
The standard of God’s Word, Wisdom, and Truth never changes, so anchor all your thoughts, fears, and doubts on him, and you will find your way again.
This very moment, you are standing at the crossroads—as Jeremiah puts it:
Yet the Lord pleads with you still: Ask where the good road is, the godly paths you used to walk in, in the days of long ago. Travel there, and you will find rest for your souls. But you reply, “No, that is not the road I want!” —Jeremiah 6:16 (TLB)
Don’t yell an angry, “NO!” Cry a humble “yes,” and find rest again.
If you will not turn to God, The Holy One of Truth and Wisdom, not even your loved ones can help you. Until you’re willing to expose your false self and cease your fake salvation, you can’t be helped. Until you ask to be rescued, you’ll continue to drift further and further away.
Unrelenting unforgivness hurts no one but yourself. The one who offended you is unharmed by your hoarding of anger and offense. They’re free, but you’re not!
I plead with you, turn to God and be honest. Be brave. Be loving to yourself again and live! You may not realize it, but you’ve had the keys to your own prison all along.
“… You will weep no more. He will be gracious if you ask him for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries.” —Isaiah 30:19
Jesus Christ died that you may live and was raised to life that you may never die.
For there is no peace and no rest in wasting your life being unforgiving. There is life and peace in Jesus Christ.
Here, please read Psalms 23 — it’s a beautiful passageway to life!
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” —Psalm 23
Trust Him—He will give you rest for all your weariness and heal your splintered mind!
Maybe you’ll be restored enough to even feast in the presence of those who once hurt and offended you.
What stands between many of us and the life we’re supposed to live is our ability to bullshit.
No, this is not a treatise on global warming or climate change or the negative impact of cow flatulence on our environment—far from it!
This is about fleeing pretense and duplicity and becoming the real you. It’s about breaking down the fake areas in our lives and being honest with ourselves and others.
Wholeness can only be achieved by utter and complete brokenness. This is a universal principle. This is also the opposite of what the world thinks.
I like what Jerry Maguire said in his moment of a breakthrough:
“… Two nights later in Miami at our corporate conference, a breakthrough. Breakdown? Breakthrough. It was the oddest, most unexpected thing. I began writing what they call a mission statement for my company. You know—a Mission Statement—a suggestion for the future. What started out as one page became twenty-five.
Suddenly, I was my father’s son. I was remembering the simple pleasures of this job, how I ended up here out of law school, the way a stadium sounds when one of my players performs well on the field… And suddenly, it was all pretty clear. The answer was fewer clients. Caring for them, caring for ourselves, and the games, too. Starting our lives, really. Hey, I’ll be the first to admit it. What I was writing was somewhat “touchy-feely.” I didn’t care. I had lost the ability to bullshit. It was the me I’d always wanted to be.” —The Movie “Jerry Maguire”
You see a breakthrough, I mean, the kind of breakthrough we know we really need is always preceded by a breakdown. And, when we lose—no, rather, when we refuse to bullshit ourselves and others, we’ll become the people that we’ve always wanted to be.
You’re divinely purposed to become a living act of God’s love and glory. You can’t become what your Creator has intended until you surrender your own mess. That is, your constant self-effort to holding the broken pieces of your life together. Living in fear and dread that your secret life will be exposed at any moment to a live audience.
Living life on constant defense and acting co-dependently, or as a self-enabler, justifying the actions of your false self at the expense of your true self. This is the definition of what I’m referring to as a “mess.”
You can not become assembled in body, mind, and spirit, all the while holding everything together. You are robbing yourself of the very strength and energy you need by wasting it on supporting your falseness and phony facade. Stop being driven by voices inside your head, echoing the curses from your mother or father, or from the other significant persons in your life.
These curses are the voices of “false coaches,” driving you to repeat a cycle of self-destruction and family dysfunction. These curses are carcinogenic to your desire for wholeness and wellness. They are the cancerous agents eating away at the divine purpose for which God has created you.
“Gloria Dei est vivens homo,” wrote Saint Irenaeus, which means:
“The glory of God is a living man.”
The glory of God is you fully living, and not your daily self-destruction and learned dysfunction.
In the human body, you can not build muscle without first tearing down the muscle you have. Tearing down the muscle requires a determination to submit to the pain and deny yourself comfort. Likewise, you must have a willing determination to submit your very life and comforts to God.
James says it this way:
4-6 “You’re cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn’t care? The proverb has it that “he’s a fiercely jealous lover.” And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you’ll find. It’s common knowledge that “God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.”
7-10 So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God, and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.” —James 4:6-10 (MSG)
Pride is self-destruction, low esteem, self-loathing, and such, is what’s been behind your self-effort of “holding it all together.” This is why pride always precedes a profound fall. There is nothing good in this kind of a fall because it’s always a fall from grace and not towards it.
Do you want God’s grace? Become truly humble. Oh yes, it is painful to stop your self-salvation and accept the truth, and act on it. But the light, which will come flooding into your darkness, will bring the wholeness and wellness you’ve been searching for.
The problem with bullshit is that it is no respecter of person, race, religion, or age—it flows from all of us! Far too many of us hide behind B.S.
“Men love darkness, rather than light,” this is true. But you can not become the man or woman you were meant to become all the while remaining in darkness. Just as painful as it is to build muscle, is it painful at first to step out from darkness into God’s marvelous light!
The gain from the pain of coming into the light is worth the life of wholeness and holiness.
Did you know that embracing your brokenness rather than hiding it will cause collateral beauty?
There may be a divine and strategic purpose behind your brokenness that, when shared with others, may cause a chain reaction of hope and healing in you and in them.
At this very moment, you’re standing at a crossroad—at a turning point; your next decision can create a paradigm shift of unprecedented emotional and spiritual change.
“The Lord said to his people…
“’You are standing at the crossroads. So consider your path. Ask where the old, reliable paths are. Ask where the path is that leads to blessing and follow it. If you do, you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not follow it!’” —Jeremiah 6:16 (NET)
Stop hanging out with the “We will not follow it” crowd!
You no longer belong to the crowd who refuse to follow the right path.
Stop staring at the crossroad in front of you and follow the right path. Stop saving yourself and fall into the grace, mercy, and love of God, and you will become the man or woman you’ve always wanted to be. After all, God put the desire to be his love and glory in you so that you may be fully living, fully alive to a world content with dying and taking you with it.
A breakdown is always before a breakthrough. God is waiting if you are willing. Open up to God or find a trusted friend to help lead you to God’s grace.
God can turn the ugliness of your brokenness into something beautiful!
May I be honest and a bit crass?
… It’s my prayer that you’ll lose your ability to “bullshit!” – Amen
Never underestimate the power, authority, and security of a father’s connection. There is nothing on earth that can take its place.
Since time began, power was, and is, the principal motivator of life. Whoever wields power has control, authority, and security. If you think about it, these three things are essential for just about any group of people. In fact, they are essential for a healthy family.
This is why family is so important. It is the very fabric that holds society together.
Whether you agree or not, God instituted family. He derived the construct from his trinitary-self of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Father, wife, and child are by design, God’s reflective image of himself into creation.
God first creates man, then woman, then from their union, offspring. God shares with man his power, giving him control, authority, and security. He places man in the center of paradise and says you tend it, cultivate it, rule over it, and honor its boundaries (security).
Fundamentally, our identity, personhood, and security come from our families and principally from our fathers. The most primal and significant connection we can have on earth begins with our fathers. It’s not an option—it’s foundational!
This is why fatherhood is under such terrible assault. It is the most strategic and essential part of God’s design and image. Destroy the image of fathers, and you destroy the image of Father-God. Turn the children from their fathers, and you’ll frustrate and hinder children from finding their Heavenly Father.
When fathers and children turn away from each other, the family crumbles. When this becomes the norm, marriages crumble, and children become aimless and disenfranchised from the safety of paternal authority, control, and security. They become targets of destructive philosophies, ideologies, and influences.
The following is an excellent portrayal of the destructive force against fathers and family:
In the 1991 Movie “Hook,” starring Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook, Robbin Williams as Peter Banning (Peter Pan), and Charlie Korsmo as Jack Banning, Peter’s son; an interesting scene takes place between Captain Hook and little Jack Banning:
Hook: Such a pretty, pretty…. … What is that I hear? A ticking. Smee, stop the ticking! Stop that! Stop that “tick-tick”!
Smee: There’s no ticking here. There’s nothing left to tick.
Hook: This is for the ticking that might have been. Get his father’s watch!
Smee: Right.
Hook: Go on. You know you want to. Give it a try. Go on.
Jack: This is for..never letting me blow bubbles in my chocolate milk!
[he smashes his dad’s watch]
Smee: Yes!
Hook: Ha ha! Good form! Bravo!
Smee: There you go! Isn’t that wonderful?
Jack: This is for never letting me jump on my own bed.
[Jack smashes the watch again]
Hook: Make time stand still, laddie.
Jack: For always making promises and breaking them! For never doing anything with me.
[ Once again, Jack smashes the watch]
Hook: For a father who’s never there, Jack. Jack, for a father who didn’t save you on the ship.
Jack: [Sadly] Who wouldn’t save us….
Hook: Who couldn’t save you, Jack.
Jack: He wouldn’t. He didn’t even try. He was there, we were there, and he wouldn’t try.
Hook: Jack, he will try. And the question will be: When the time comes, do you want to be saved? Now, don’t you answer now. No, no, no, no. Now it’s time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home…that place of broken promises.
Jack: That what?
Hook: Have I ever made a promise, Jack… … I have not kept? Have I, son?
Did you read how the evil Hook exploits Jack’s wounds? Then Hook belittles his father, even to the point of “when the time comes, Jack, do you want to be saved?”
Hook continues, stealing the boy’s identity:
“…Now it’s time to be whatever you want to be. Put behind you any thoughts of home… … that place of broken promises.”
Not only does Hook steal the boy’s identity, he sinisterly robs him of his sense of belonging and then mischaracterizes Jack’s home “as a place of broken promises.”
Hook tops it off by reidentifying Jack as “his son.” He strikes Jack’s wound at the center of his heart, reminding Jack that his dad is weak, a liar, and a man of broken promises.
“Hook: Have I ever made a promise, Jack… … I have not kept? – Have I, son?”
I truly believe that this clever and well-written movie accurately illustrates how evil destroys fathers, families, children, and homes.
In the last book of the Old Testament, the last chapter and the last two verses read:
“Look, I am sending you the prophet Elijah before the great and dreadful day of the Lord arrives. His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers. Otherwise, I will come and strike the land with a curse.” Malachi 4:5-6
The fulfillment of this Malachi prophecy occurs in the First Chapter of Luke 1:17. John The Baptist prepared the way for Jesus Christ, whose mission was to redeem the lost sons of Adam.
When fathers and children remain estranged and God’s salvation is averted, the land, culture, and society become cursed. It is undeniable that our land, America, has been cursed.
Fathers, do whatever it takes to connect with your kids. Kids, do whatever it takes to connect with your fathers.
Sometimes, taking up our father’s interest in sports, hobbies, etc., is the only way we can connect with our fathers. His pastime becomes ours, and maybe the only bridge on earth to reach him and spend time with him.
However, I’d rather see fathers turn their hearts towards their children, enter their world, and connect with their likes.
The hearts of the fathers must initiate a turning back to their children, or there’s little hope for society, and maybe your family, too. Their best hope of connecting to God is their connecting with dad!
Fathers, your legacy is at risk – worse, your children’s future and eternity are at stake.
Never underestimate the power, authority, and security of a father’s role and his connection. There is nothing on earth that can take its place!
“A wound where there are no tears, wrote John Eldredge, is a wound that can’t be healed,”
A splinter under the skin, if left alone and ignored, will eventually fester to the point of infection. Your body rejects the foreign object no matter how small; the pain calls out for your attention. If you ignore it too long, you could end up in the emergency room.
How about your heart?
Why ignore the pain?
Your heart is more precious than a finger; you can live without a finger, but you can’t live without your heart.
Sometimes, we’re strong in the wrong things and at the wrong times, but to be weak in the right things brings true courage.
If you are hurting, in pain, and are crushed in spirit, heart, and soul, you may be at the most significant turning point of your life. You may be dwelling with God in a high and protected place, but you must share your tears with God, or you’ll be swallowed up in bitterness and left alone on earth.
Isaiah 57:15
“The high and lofty One who inhabits eternity, the Holy One, says this: I live in that high and holy place where those with contrite, humble spirits dwell; and I refresh the humble and give new courage to those with repentant hearts.”
Psalm 51:17
“The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humbled heart.”
Let God encounter your tears; after all, he is the Everlasting Father. Please share it with him as your sacrifice of pride. Come to him crushed, broken, betrayed, rejected, and despised. He’s well acquainted with all of this and more. He allows it to touch your life, not to destroy you, but to draw you closer to himself so that you may be healed.
God wants to father you …
Trust and turn to God and surrender your rights to be offended, your anger for being abused, and your self-hatred for being molested, raped, and violated. God specializes in hurting and wounded people, and he’d rather be with you than with kings and queens.
The moment you offer up to God all your tears and pain, you are with him in spirit and truth.
Isaiah 42:3
“He will not break the bruised reed nor quench the dimly burning flame. He will encourage the fainthearted, those tempted to despair. He will see full justice given to all who have been wronged.”
God won’t exploit your bruises. He’ll not snuff out your heart, even if it’s barely lit and barely alive.
God desires to be your daddy …
Give it all over to God. If you do, he’ll see that justice is served, and you can give your anger and revenge a proper burial.
Then, you’ll knock down your walls of despair and make them into a dance floor, and you’ll dance with your Abba, just as He’s always wanted to.
Don’t live with the pain. Time is not the healer of all wounds; that’s a lie.
God is the healer of all wounds, and he’s waiting to hear your cries directed towards him so that He may act.
Isaiah 30:19
“O’ my people in Jerusalem, you shall weep no more, for he will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. He will answer you.”
Give it up to God. Let it drink in God’s presence and love, and so be healed and restored.
Become healed in the name of Jesus!
He came to seek out the lost and broken, and there is no one he cannot save or heal.
This may be one of your greatest moments and your most significant turning point.
Your heart and soul are God’s specialty. Don’t ignore this opportunity – don’t let your heart become hardened again. Act now while your heart has softened.
Don’t live with a wounded heart. Jesus is dying to heal you. Amen
Maybe you’re not aware, but you’ve always held the keys to your own prison.
The song, My Own Prison, written and sung by Scott A. Stapp, from the band, Creed; album, My Own Prison, released 1997.
The song’s lyric starts out:
“A court is in session, a verdict is in No appeal on the docket today Just my own sin The walls are cold and pale The cage made of steel Screams fill the room Alone I drop and kneel
Silence now the sound My breath the only motion around Demons cluttering around My face showing no emotion Shackled by my sentence Expecting no return Here there is no penance My skin begins to burn…
… I cry out to God Seeking only his decision Gabriel stands and confirms I’ve created my own prison” Scott A. Stapp
The song is actually about self-condemnation and being tormented from past sins. I think that many of us suffer from the same struggle, only we’re not brave and honest enough to put it into lyrics for the world to sing.
No, we’d rather hide our self-hatered, lock it up inside our minds, and in our own prison, all the while holding the keys to our own cell. This is the definition of an unforgiving soul, a soul that hasn’t accepted forgiveness from God.
You see, the lack of forgiving others stems from an unforgiving self. When we refuse to forgive ourselves, we lack the ability to forgive others. More pointedly, we reject forgiveness because of shame, shame so deeply held within our being that it becomes our identity. Living too long with shame like that will soon turn your inner prison cell into a stronghold. A stronghold that will even lock out God’s forgiveness.
Did you know that your unforgiveness to yourself and the laundry lists of unforgiven people become building blocks for an inner fortress, where self-hatred will fester and thrive? It’s true, and it will keep you locked up for a lifetime!
We become deceived into thinking that our unforgiveness is justified due to the seriousness of not only our own sins but also the sins against us. So we die within our own prison cells due to a hunger strike, starving ourselves from God’s rich mercy and grace.
When we refuse to forgive, we end up owning the offense, or more accurately, the offense owns us. The offender, well, they may have moved on, yet we are the ones that are needlessly imprisoned because of our own stubbornness and pride.
Maybe you’re not aware, but you’ve always held the keys to your own prison.
Your forgiveness is the only key to unlocking your prison door. It’s the only way in which you, yourself, can be forgiven. Maybe you haven’t realized that God’s forgiveness is conditiononal. Maybe you don’t care. Maybe no one ever told you.
“Your heavenly Father will forgive you if you forgive those who sin against you, but if you refuse to forgive them, he will not forgive you.” Matthew 6:15 – Jesus of Nazareth
Don’t forfeit God’s mercy and grace any longer. Don’t remain shackled to self-loathing, loathing of others, bitterness, and anger.
There was a reason why the Inaugural Speech of Jesus was a scripture passage he read from in the Book of Isaiah, chapter 61, verse 1:
“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the suffering and afflicted. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted, to announce liberty to captives, and to open the prison doors, setting them free.”
Do you see, my dear friend?
Jesus came to forgive you. He came to bring you good news for your sad and broken heart, to set you free from captivity, and to release you from your own prison.
It starts with you accepting God’s forgiveness of all your sins; all washed away by the sacrifice of Jesus, nailed to the cross. The Cross is where all your sins should forever be and not in your own prison of guilt.
The reason for this season is that you might forgive yourself, accept God’s forgiveness, and then you’ll be able to forgive everyone who hurt you.
Here’s what I humbly suggest…
Log off Facebook, LinkedIn, X, Nextdoor, etc. Quiet the noise in your head – let your heart speak for once. Listen carefully to its pent-up cries for help. Cry out to Jesus, God’s Son, to forgive you. Even asking for his help to do so. Confess with your heart and mouth of your failures and sins. Believe in your heart that Jesus was crucified and raised to life for you to seek you, save you, heal, and restore you. Ask him to help you turn from all your sins.
“That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. – Romans 10:9-11
Don’t give shame and pride another moment of keeping you in your own prison. Amen
“Each time we don’t say what we wanna say, we’re dying.” – Yoko Ono
Don’t let silence kill your life, joy, or your future. Speak from your heart and live.
You may agree that the three most powerful words are “I Love You.”
Can these three little words indeed be so powerful and significant?
After all, for many, these words fall from our mouths so casually and regularly that we miss their true meaning and worth. But what happens if, for some of us, we’ve never heard those words from our moms or dads or the most important people in our lives?
Well, that was my story…
I lived through nearly four decades of silence from my father. I hated my father because of his silence and uninvolvement in my life as a boy. His career and extreme work ethic took him from me when I needed him.
When I heard that my dad was dying from esophageal cancer, I initially refused to visit him. My anger held me back for a little while until my siblings ganged up on me.
Four days before my father passed, I had the opportunity to stay overnight with him at the VA Hospital in Martinez, CA. (My father was wounded in action by a missile attack during the Korean War on September 19, 1951). He had served in the Army as a private, 1st class medic.
After the lights went out in my dad’s hospital room, courage rose within my heart, and I spoke the three most important words that I could say to the most important man in my life:
Dad?
“Yes, son.”
Dad, …I love you!
It felt like an eternity of silence orbited the darkened hospital room…
…Then, from my dad’s weakened condition, I heard what my heart and soul had so longed to hear during the 39 silent years I had lived:
“I love you too, son.”
Suddenly, unspeakable joy filled my heart, and tears rolled down my face. I called out to my dad several more times that night, saying:
Dad?
“Yes, son.”
Dad, …I love you!
“I love you too, son.”
I heard my father say he loved me, which washed all the years of hurt, anger, and loneliness from my body, soul, and mind. My father’s words were a healing balm that would change my life from that day forward.
My father’s words also helped me to accept my Heavenly Father’s love for me.
“I am my beloved, and he is mine; his banner over me is love!” Songs of Songs
“See, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreaded day of the Lord. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest when I come, I strike the earth with a curse.” Malachi 4:5-6
Jesus came to me late on October 8, 1998, at night in that VA Hospital room in Martinez, California. He bound up my wounds and healed my broken heart. He freed this captive and released me from a prison of loneliness, despair, and anger. He lifted the curse from my life, and by becoming my father’s beloved son, I became God’s also!
“Come away with me, my love, my lovely one, come. For you, winter is over and gone. The snow has melted, and the flowers are in bloom; the cooing of the turtle doves can be heard throughout the land. Come away with me, my love, my lovely one, come. Your face is beautiful; your voice is sweet. Come away with me, my love, my lovely one, come.” Songs of Songs
My Dad became my hero and went away to be with the Lord of Life on October 12, 1998. I stood at his right side, holding his hand until he breathed his last breath. He looked up to the ceiling, smiled, and then was gone. We all wept so loudly as a family that our cries could be heard throughout the hospital wing.
A few moments later, I stretched my hand over my father’s face, and I closed my father’s eyes.
Yes, words do matter. Be brave, be courageous, and allow your heart to speak its words before it is too late. The “I love you, dad,” unlocked my father’s heart, which echoed those desperately needed words from him into my hungry and hurting heart and soul.
There is unspeakable power in the three simple words; “I love you” or “please forgive me.”” While these words are simple, it takes great courage to say them. Please, don’t be stubborn and don’t be afraid, dare to speak and listen for the reply; “I love you too.”
Scripture says, “If you hear God’s voice today, don’t be stubborn. Don’t be stubborn like those who rebelled in the wilderness.” – Hebrews 3:15
Don’t let silence kill your life, joy, or your future. Speak from your heart and live!
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” Psalms 147:3
“A wound where there is no weeping, writes, John Eldreged, is a wound that can not be healed.” Your wounded heart can be healed. But you must share your wounded heart with God.
Wounds and scars, whether physical or emotional, are essential to being human. It happens to all of us. The following is written on the back of my business card:
“Living a scarless life is not living at all. Sometimes, our greatest triumphs lie in our greatest defeats. In all things, I am a child of God and never a victim. I do not, therefore, interpret tragic circumstances as mishaps, but a divinely scheduled trip to God’s beauty salon.”
If we only see ourselves as victims in every crisis, loss, or betrayal, we deny the very instrument and tool for which God is doing his best work in us. When you refuse to become the victim and instead respond in praise and thanksgiving to God, you, therefore, thwart darkness and defeat the devil.
The devil wants you to wallow in bitterness and anguish. He wants you paralyzed, frozen in time and eternity with a wounded and broken heart. He knows that a heart not healed will keep you from God, keep you from salvation.
The old saying, “time heals all wounds,” is not from the Bible. It’s from the devil!
This is why Jesus of Nazareth read from – Isaiah 61: 1
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to heal and bind up the brokenhearted…”
As a matter of fact, Jesus’ reading of the Isaiah passage was the official announcement of his earthly ministry.
The Psalmist, King David, penned:
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” – Psalms 147:3
“His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.” – Job 2:9-10
God is in control – He’s not only our Creator, but He’s our Father also. He touches our lives with wisdom and cares for us greater than our earthly fathers. He’s preparing us for eternity with Him, and His actions are always with this in mind.
The devil wants you, if possible, to never meet your Heavenly Father. If he can’t prevent that, he’ll at least pervert it by causing your earthly father to wound your heart and soul. When our hearts bear the scars of father’s wounds, it is so hard, if not impossible, to trust God as our everlasting father.
And this is the central theme of Jesus’ ministry; to rescue you from the penalty of sin and the grip of the devil and to heal your broken heart so that salvation can come to you.
“No one can come to the Father,” said Jesus, except through me.” – John 14:6
Your heart must be healed because it is to become your Heavenly Father’s dwelling place.
He alone is the home for your wounded heart. Trust him, He’s making you beautiful inside and out.
Searching for significance can last a lifetime. Don’t waste another day searching.
The wounds of our past can most often propel us into a fruitless seach for significance. Our search is fruitless because the root of our search lies within our wounded heart. The damage to our hearts was done many years and decades ago, and most likely when we were children.
Being wounded in our hearts and minds as children is an attack on our very identities and creates in us a desperate search for meaning and purpose.
You see, the wounds to our hearts cause us to make a vow or an agreement with the curses spoken over us. The curses were demonically engineered to warp and distort our true identity, forcing us into an endless masquerade of covering and hiding false shame and guilt. Living like this can send us into an endless search for meaning and belonging. This fruitless search for significance can last a lifetime.
The curses may be the distant echoes from our mother or father’s voices, which may have inadvertently or intentionally cursed our future and robbed us of worth and significance as their son or daughter. And this is why so many of us are lost from true living and true loving, or suffer with an inability to bond with others.
An alcoholic father or mother, or your parent’s divorce or an untimely death of a mom or dad can also send messages of abandonedment, rejection, and lostness. Sometimes, we think an affair or love and romance, marriage, or a baby will heal us.
Our failure is searching for significance in people, ministry, talent, sex, and money, which these things are powerless to fill and satisfy our emptiness. Only God can fill the huge hole in our hearts.
True worth and significance come only from the mouth and heart of God. Draw near and listen to Him and allow the only God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, heal your heart and end your search.
Let God help you do the impossible, which is to forgive those who’ve wounded the very preciousness of your heart and soul.
“The Spirit of the Lord, the Eternal, is on me. The Lord has appointed me for a special purpose. He has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to repair broken hearts and to declare to those who are held captive and bound in prison, “Be free from your imprisonment.”‘ – Isaiah 61:1
The above Scripture was read by Jesus on the day he began his public ministry. The Isaiah passage was fulfilled through him for you.
End your fruitless search for significance by turning your wounded heart and soul to God. With him, you’ll find unspeakable riches and a place of real belonging and a life of true significance.
Breaking the curses spoken over us is not complicated. All curses were nailed to the cross of Jesus Christ, whereby Jesus took upon himself all of our curses and the very death penalty for sin. The punishment of death on a cross inflicted on the innocent Lamb of God has legally broken and nullified all of our agreements with curses.
Put your faith into the finished work of Jesus Christ. Grant forgiveness towards those who have cursed you towards those who’ve wounded your heart and soul. Believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus’ death and resurrection have destroyed the works of the Devil and have canceled all curses against you.
All you must do is to just believe!
Come home to the True and Loving Father; come home, His lost son, and lost daughter.
Call To Courage 