Becoming a Whole Man – Women’s Desire for Real Men – By Thomas Koester

My son Jordan and I listened to several of John Eldredge’s podcast on the way down to Bakersfield many weekends ago. We talked about how good It would be if we could get a weekend retreat scheduled to help men and boys with their brokenness and father hunger.

One thing that Jordan and I have learned in hosting many retreats in the past, is that if a man is to be healed from father wounds, or to draw closer to the heart of God, going to the mountains and spending a little time away from the familiar and from responsibilities provides an excellent environment to find clarity and healing.

There is a clear biblical mandate in scriptures for fathers and sons to turn their hearts towards each other, as written in Malachi 4:5-6 and in Luke 1:17.

Did you know that God closes the Old Testament with Fathers turning their hearts towards their sons, Malachi 4:5-6, and then opens the New Testament with the same message in Luke 1:17? Matter of fact, a broken and wounded relationship between fathers and sons leads to a cursed life. In turn, a cursed life causes the wounded sons of Adam to detest and avoid the Father Heart of God. And, like Adam, we are driven away from God and cover our nakedness (shame) with a false life and endless pursuits of Eve (the woman).

Eve becomes a surrogate; a pseudo-god in place of the Father Heart of God. Her comfort replaces the comfort from Father God and her beauty replaces the glory of God. So, man sees his reflection in the woman rather than in God. He grades himself and his masculinity in the responses and opinions he receives from woman.

I find it interesting that God created Adam apart from Eve. God walked with Adam for some time before he created and presented the woman to him. If a man is to walk with God; if he is to be fathered by God, he must let go of Eve. He must cease his pursuit for her comfort; for her beauty, and her maternal instinct to satisfy his father hunger.

A woman cannot bestow masculinity, nor can her maternal instinct heal the wounded masculine soul. He is father-famished and mothering this type of wound will further emasculate him, extending his adolescences years and perhaps decades beyond the stage of normal boyhood.

Read the following short conversation between Nullah, a little half breed Aboriginal boy, and Drover, an Australian cattle driver from the movie Australia:

Nullah: You a man, Drover?
Drover: Yeah, I try to be.
Nullah: Sometimes man got to get away from woman.
Drover: Maybe.
Nullah: That’s why you go droving.
Drover: I go droving ’cause that’s my job.
Nullah: If you don’t go droving, you not a man.

Young Nullah has learned from his grandfather, King George, an old Aboriginal man that a boy cannot become a man until he leaves his mother and completes his walkabout.

Drover, played by Hugh Jackman, later explains to Lady Sarah Ashley, played by Nicole Kidman, that Nullah needs to go on walkabout and that without ceremony (walkabout) the boy will have no love in his heart, he’ll have nothing; no dreaming, no story, and no country.

And this is the problem with our culture. Boys do not, in a healthy way, detach from the woman, which should be initiated by the father’s invitation. The ceremony between father and son never happens, and so, the son remains a boy with no love in his heart, no dreaming, no story and no country or belonging. Matter of fact, for far too many boys, there is no father to speak of. And so, men awkwardly and inappropriately remain attached to the woman as mother, rather than as an equal. Romance becomes incestuous and confusing, as men become seekers of mothers rather than partners.

A real woman does not want a grown man to follow her around like a lost boy or puppy. When the cuteness wears off, she awkwardly becomes a mother, rather than a lover of a true man. Relationships become difficult when a man can not give, but is in contestant need to receive.

A man must detach from Eve in order to become attached to the Father Heart of God. Without a father in the life of a boy, the boy becomes lost and wounded. When the boy ages into adulthood, without initiation and ceremony he hides his unfathered and boyish heart with the fig leaves of false masculinity and posing.

Wounded boys and men like this need healing. Jordan and I have witnessed the miracle of healing and restoration of men’s heart to the Father Heart of God in the space of a few days. God can and does heal by just one word. After all, did not God speak the worlds into existence, by the Word of his power?

“For He spoke, and all things came into being. A single command from His lips, and all creation obeyed and stood its ground.” Psalms 33:9 (VOICE)

“His Son is the radiance of his glory, the very image of his substance, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purified us of our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high…” Hebrews 1:3 (WEB)

Yes, God can do a miracle in a man’s soul with one word!

Also, do you see the connection between “His Son is the radiance of his glory,” and you, being, or becoming His son, reflecting his radiance? This is something that only a Father-God can do. This is not Eve’s place or role in your life.

A real woman desires a real man. However, so many woman have settled for boys trapped inside the body of a man, and so become mothers. This cycle repeats itself over and over again. Women searching for real men, and real men searching for real women, but finding only the adolescent forms of what whole men and women should be. Only God can stop this cycle and it starts with the healing of father wounds in the hearts of men and women.

The enemy has spoken words of power also, and so stricken and wounded the hearts of people by using wounded fathers, and mothers too, to wound the heart and soul of their offspring. Thus perpetuating cursed boys and girls, which grow up with insatiable (impossible to satisfying) desires, or appetites for sex and drugs, or eating disorders. The hole is a God sized hole, which only his wholeness can fill. But since many significant wounds originate with the father or mother, they are driven away from the Father Heart of God and the nurturing and maternal presence of the Holy Spirit.

John Eldredge, author and speaker wrote the following:

“A wound that is not wept for is a wound, which cannot be healed.”

And so, we live a life without tears; without compassion and love for our own wounded hearts and souls. – We all die silently while God has delivered to us our only remedy, that is, Jesus Christ.

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” said Jesus – John 14:6.

The Father is the principal destination and the Son is the vehicle, or passage way to the heart of Abba-God. (Abba is Hebrew for: Papa or Da-da, an endearing term for Father).

“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15 (ESV)

“Because you are now part of God’s family, He sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts; and the Spirit calls out, “Abba, Father.” Galatians 4:6 (VOICE)

For those who have the Water of Life, start watering. For those of you my dear friends, and those whom I’ve not had the pleasure in meeting, drink deeply from the Water of Life, and you will never go thirsty again.

Jesus said, “… Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst—not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life.” John 4:14 (MSG)

If you want to hear more about this amazing Water and the Father Heart of God, message me, or ask for it from others who are drinking from this Well of Life and who are acquainted with the Abba of Jesus.

Don’t remain in slavery, and do not give into fear, but receive the Spirit of Life, of adoption into the family of God; into the Father-Heart of God.

Do not silently hide, or dismiss your heart, become the man you were meant to become, and simply pray and ask God to father you in the way you should go, and you will find peace and joy.

Our God is no deadbeat Dad, but the Everlasting Father, Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God and the Prince of Peace!

Becoming a true and whole man is what every real woman desires – she’s after the authentic you.

The Healing of A Woman’s Heart – To Be Seen or Not to Be Seen – By Thomas Koester

A little girl understands the significance of inner beauty by her daddy. Her mother may teach her the practicality and meaning of femininity, but her daddy will teach her the significance of her feminine beauty and being captivating in heart and soul. To ignore this; writes John Eldredge, “…to dismiss her little twirls, her bashful smiles, and cries, of: “Daddy, do you see me? Daddy, do you delight in me? Daddy, do you have time for me?” Is to create ugliness on the inside and an overemphasis of significance and beauty on the outside.

So many little girls are wounded in heart and soul, but not only by a brute father, cruelty, or physical violence. This is not to marginalize, or diminish the pain of abuse, which so many little girls and women have suffered, but a father’s absence, busyness, or silence can be very damaging to her inner beauty and feminine heart.

I know this, because I have a wonderful, graceful; very intelligent and gentle daughter, named Tessa. She is blessed with a natural outer beauty, and, in spite of my long periods of absence in her younger years, she radiates with inner beauty and a love for life. She is also very creative and a very bright business woman.

Yes, I know about wounded little girls and wounded wives. I wish I could undo the absent and silent years, while I was too busy with career and acclimation, fame and fortune. I hate that not only did I validated much of my wife’s wounding, but created wounding within the heart and soul of my precious daughter.

But, as fathers and daddies, if we turn our hearts back towards our daughters, they can be set free to twirl, smile and light up with inner beauty, no matter how young, or old. It is never, absolutely never too late to heal the damage we men, young and old have inflicted on the most precious gift as a little girl.

If we don’t, she’ll go on, and on accentuating her outer beauty and cultivating and shaping her femininity as a weapon against other women, and an allurement to capture men’s primal instinct and attention, whereby she’ll ruin herself, over and over again.

The hole in her heart is caused not by strangers, boyfriends, or lovers, but by a father, and no other man on earth can make her whole again, except the man called her daddy.

My daughter has told me many times, while we’re in public; “did you see the way that girl looked at me?” It took me awhile to understand and catch what she had experienced, but one day, I saw the snarling look girls give to pretty girls. The irony is that the angry or jealous girl may be beautiful herself.

But doesn’t this speak to the real issue; the real battle within the wounded feminine heart and soul? She feels threatened and at war with outer beauty, no matter how ugly an opponent may be, as she is blinded to the inner ugliness of others, she is also blind to the forgotten inner beauty of herself. So all that is left, is the shell and not the substance of who she truly is. She is lost.

A wise and good father will point his daughter to a greater Father, by loving her from the inside out. By loving her from his heart to hers, grants her the belief and faith in a Loving, and Father-Hearted God.

“No one can come to the Father, Jesus has said, except through me.” John 14: 6. And, with the passage way and destination to God being both male, a father-wounded girl may have great difficulty trusting these words of Jesus, or the goodness of the heart of a Father-God.

The Evil One uses a father’s inexperience and his own childhood wounding from his own father, to wound the daughters and sons that he may father. This is called a schism, a well planted wedge of hurt and pain from one victim to the next; from one father to daughters and sons, and so on, until generations are inflicted with heartlessness, self loathing and external living.

If we fail to turn to our daughters, a wounded girl will compete aggressively among other sufferers; among other wounded girls. The only difference between a wounded little girl and a wounded and grown women, is the cost of their hair, makeup, clothing and accessories.

I have nothing against makeup, clothing, or a little bling. But, if you want the right kind of man, wouldn’t you rather captivate him with your heart and soul? If not, you may fall for a guy who’ll not see you, not delight in you, and not spend time with you. You’ll settle for the abuse of silence and busyness; a hollow man, only satisfied with your competitive and external beauty, which you must constantly fight against foods, fads and aging.

Wouldn’t you want a man, who values and is captivated by your heart and soul? After all, your heart and soul are eternal and not external.

Healing is possible. Life is possible. and Love is worth fighting for and a daddy’s love is worth risking the hurt of possible rejection. But, “faith, hope and love is eternal,” and, as it further says in 1 Corinthians Chapter 13, the Love Chapter, “Love keeps no record of wrongs.”

…Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

…And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13: 4-8, 13.

If you want “Happily Ever After,” you have to find the guy who’s after your heart, not your body or made up face. When you do, you’ll be happy and free to truly live and to truly be loved.

It is the heart, it’s always been the heart. And not only is this the part of you, which Christ came to heal, but also to make his home with you, inside your heart.

“The Spirit of the Lord, the Eternal, is on me. The Lord has appointed me for a special purpose. He has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to repair broken hearts, And to declare to those who are held captive and bound in prison, “Be free from your imprisonment!” He has sent me to announce the year of jubilee, the season of the Eternal One’s favor:

for our enemies it will be a day of God’s wrath; For those who mourn it will be a time of comfort. As for those who grieve over Zion, God has sent me to give them a beautiful crown in exchange for ashes, To anoint them with gladness instead of sorrow, to wrap them in victory, joy, and praise instead of depression and sadness.” Isaiah 61: 1-3 (VOICE)

To be seen or not to be seen? That is a great question. Start with the healing of your heart and all will go well with you.

Be seen as radiant and beautiful of heart, and let all other fads, fashions and accessories go, as nothing is more important than you and the little girl who was once lost, and is now found, loved and celebrated of heart and soul.

I see you!

I love the scene from the movie, “The Last of the Mohicans,” when Cora Munro, played by Madeleine Stowe is seen by Hawkeye, played by Daniel Day Lewis.

Cora: “What are you looking at, Sir?”

-She neither expected nor anticipated the answer she received, and appears awkward and bashful, but nonetheless she is captivated by his seeing her.-

“I’m looking at you, Miss,” Hawkeye said, steadily.

Love Is On The Way – A Note From Heaven

Delivered By Thomas Koester

My dear Precious One,

Pain, suffering, crisis and hardship are tools in my hand, not to harm you; not to punish you, but to transform and beautify you. All losses and all hardships are my instructors and directors, nudging you towards my heart and shaping my likeness into your uniqueness.

I have redeemed you to be with me forever, and so, I’m preparing you now for the happily-ever-after then.

Don’t stop loving me. I will not stop loving you – never! I am a ferocious and unstoppable lover of your heart and soul. There is no other God like me, or ever shall there be. I am your One and Only, as you are my one and only. This is how I see all my children, high or low, great or small, you are precious to me all.

Focus not your worry on the crisis. Rather, focus your faith on my promises, so that my will may happen on earth, just as it exists here with me in heaven.

I hold ALL things together by the Word of my Power! Am I not qualified to be your only God and Father?

I am jealous for your love, but I know how frail you are and how prone you are to wonder, so I am patient, wooing you by my Spirit and gently whispering to your heart and soul: “come back to me… …come back my Dear One.”

Don’t test me, but rest in me, and all will go well with you.

My Son Jesus, is my expression of my love for you. His face is my face. His passion is my passion. Come to me through him. If you stop believing in Him, you stop believing in Me. Don’t stop believing, and don’t stop obeying my Word and my Voice.

In due time your season will change. The valleys of death will be gone and mountainous vistas will spring up, and the works of my hand will shower you with breathtaking beauty and it will captive your heart. Your soul will be filled to overflowing and we’ll dance together again.

I am longing to show you my face and light up your life with my full presence and full glory, into everlasting joy and happiness.

In that day, you’ll become as bright as the stars in heaven and all your worries, hurts and imperfections will be gone, gone and gone, never to return.

I can’t wait to show you all I’ve prepared just for you. Let me continue to prepare you for all of it; the highs and lows, the turbulence and difficult days are all masterfully handled and orchestrated by me.

Be patient and remain true to me, as our time together is always approaching nearer and nearer. Things will get rough just before they’ll get better, so watch carefully for my signs and ready yourself — I love to come through for you, because I’m in love with you…

…Love is on the way!

Your Loving Abba-Father,