A Few Good Men – By Thomas J. Koester

I Dare You To Become Greater Than Your Fathers. I dare you to become a real man!

A Few Good Men is an intergenerational and interdenominational movement of men for all ages. We believe that segregating our youth from the men in our churches, ministries, and communities is counter-productive to the process of raising our boys into strong men and leaders of tomorrow. We believe men, without the opportunity and access of our youth, are a terrible loss of potential and vice-versa.

Becoming a man is not a chronological process. You simply do not grow into manhood or masculinity. John Eldredge describes masculinity as “that quality or characteristic of manhood being passed through close proximity to boys.”  You can not take a class or read a book on becoming a man. It is mystically and methodically passed through the process of mutual struggle and the sharing of life’s experience. 

Many times, when older men share their struggles, losses, and defeats in a room full of young men, you’d think they’d be bored to tears. They’re not. They are inspired to open and share their own struggles, losses, and defeats. And when we have this kind of “open vulnerability,” change is possible. Community develops, and a band of brothers is formed.

“This story shall the good man teach his son;  … From this day to the ending of the world, But we in it shall be remembered-We few, we happy few, we band of brothers; For he to-day that sheds his blood with me Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile, This day shall gentle his condition, from this day, till the end of the world” – William Shakespeare, King Henry V, Act IV, Scene III.

We need each other. A father needs a son, and a son needs a father. In a perfect world, each of us would have a present, communicative, warm, and loving father. He would be their to father us through each of life’s challenges, showing us the ropes, teaching us, and modeling how life is to be lived, fought for, and how to love and sacrifice.

It is the purging of our hurts, losses, and pains, which eases the suffering of becoming a man. It helps young men and boys to see the scars and wounds older men have amassed over the years.  It helps because they learn they’re not alone, not misfits nor Martians. Life is hard. I said earlier, “In a perfect world, each of us would have a present, communicative, warm, and loving father;” this, however, isn’t reality.  

Some of our deepest wounds were delivered by our dads. And, because it was our dads, the wound is life altering and disruptive; it takes many of us “off course” from the path of our intended journey.

Most of us have not been invited into manhood but have entered in, without guidance and the advantage of a present and available father. We are lost. Lost sons and then lost men.  Most of us men are simply aged boys. We’re stuck and trapped, and inside is a small and frightened boy. On the outside is the body of a man, pretending to be a man on the inside. His life is carefully lived, concealing this truth.

If boys are to become men; or, if lost adult males are to become men; we must open up in a sanctuary (safe place) for us to share our stories. The telling of your story is the first step to being found.

One of my favorite movies is “Hook,”with Robin Williams as “Peter Panning” and Dustin Hoffman as “Captain Hook.” The scene where the Lost Boys have their early encounter with “Peter Panning, the Lawyer” was one of rejection and disbelief. “‘He’s not ‘The Pan,’ he’s fat and old!'” 

The Lost Boys become divided; some believe he is “The Pan,”and others do not. Even Peter Panning thinks they’re all nuts.  However, a little boy approaches Peter Panning. The little boy takes the face of Peter Panning into his hands and begins to shape it, looking for something lost, peering into his eyes. Suddenly, the boy lifts Peter’s sagging face into a smile, and the little boy exclaims; “Oh, there you are, Peter!”

You see, deep within you is that lost boy. You were knocked off your intended journey into manhood and masculinity. Somewhere, you became lost. It sometimes takes the brave young boy to look you deep into your soul and say, “There you are, Jeff!  There you are, Bob! There you are, Mike, or John or Steve!” We need the youth, and the youth need us. Together, we find each other. Together, we become men.

We invite you; no, rather we call you to join A Few Good Men. I dare you to be greater than your fathers. You do indeed have what it takes. You are no longer a lost boy but found, wanted, and needed.

Join us in becoming men. Men of honor. Men of God. A Few Good Men!