“Do I love you because you’re beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?” ~ Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella
Every man has a responsibility and privilege to “unearth” and discover the beauty within his wife, girlfriend, or daughter. He can either bring it to the surface, cherish, and celebrate it, or he can tragically ignore it, leaving it buried.
Men, we will be held to account and will not escape God’s notice for every wrinkle and stain we inflict on the hearts of our wives and daughters. Their hearts surpasses our careers, our man-toys, and sport statistics.
I was speaking with my son, Jordan, one day about women and dating. We talked about how some women are too willing to give themselves to men, and too many men are predatory. I’ll never forget my son’s answer to a question I had asked him:
What do you do, son, when you find yourself in a situation where a woman throws herself at you?
“Dad, he replied, I will not take what doesn’t belong to me.”
I sat there, momentarily shocked and pleasantly surprised by his answer. His response was far beyond how most men, young or old, would’ve answered that question.
My son understands that a real man gives, and does not take from a woman, no matter how beautiful or how needy she may be.
Nature teaches us that a man gives from his masculine strength, and a woman is a “receiver” from within her feminine soul—from her feminine “frailty.” This, in no wise, suggests that the feminine soul is weak. Her feminine frailty is in her curvaceous form; it’s in the delicacy of her frame and the softness of her skin. A real woman is ferociously feminine and powerful in her own ways.
But, her feminine frailty goes deeper than her sexuality. Her true frailty lies deep within her heart and soul, where her sensitive nature lives—where her desire for a deep, meaningful relationship resides—where her dreams live.
When a man takes from a woman, he robs her of all her treasures. He takes and takes, eventually leaving her empty. Leaving her feeling used. Feeling dirty. She’ll feel like an overdrawn bank account, with a guy cashing checks that don’t belong to him.
Our culture is replete with drained and hollowed out women and girls. It’s heartbreaking to see so many of them broken to the point of lifelessness and left with a warped sense of femininity.
Men, we are to be blamed because we have abandoned our masculinity. We succumbed to wokeism and the anti-male culture without a fight! Passivity is unbecoming to the masculine soul.
A man is made to protect and give from his masculine strength. While he too desires to be loved, his heart is after a woman’s respect. Being loved by a woman may be easy for many men, but to be liked — to be admired by her comes with certain sacrifice and humility.
A woman, though powerful in her own way, is made to receive, to be loved; she’s to be fought for, cherished, and wanted. She doesn’t want to be the center of a man’s world — she wants to share the world with her man. She doesn’t want to be the adventure — she desires to be adventurous with him.
When you give to a woman—when you honestly love a her, you make her beautiful on the inside and radiant on the outside.
Tell your wife, your girlfriend, or your daughter that you love them in a thousand different ways and, if necessary, use words.
“A wound that is not wept for is a wound, which can not be healed.”
My son Jordan and I listened to several of John Eldredge’s podcasts on the way down to Bakersfield a few years ago. We talked about how good It would be if we could get a weekend retreat scheduled to help men and boys with their brokenness and father hunger.
One thing that Jordan and I have learned in hosting many retreats in the past, is that if a man is to be healed from the father wound, or to draw closer to the heart of God, going to the mountains and spending a little time away from the familiar and from responsibilities provides an excellent environment to find clarity and healing.
There is a clear biblical mandate in scriptures for fathers and sons to turn their hearts towards each other, as written in Malachi 4:5-6 and in Luke 1:17.
Did you know that God closes the Old Testament with Fathers turning their hearts towards their sons, Malachi 4:5-6, and then opens the New Testament with the same message in Luke 1:17? As a matter of fact, a broken and wounded relationship between fathers and sons leads to a cursed life. In turn, a cursed life causes the wounded sons of Adam to detest and avoid the Father Heart of God. And, like Adam, we are driven away from God and cover our nakedness (shame) with a false life and endless pursuits of Eve (the woman).
Eve becomes a surrogate; a pseudo-god in place of the Father Heart of God. Her comfort replaces the comfort from Father God, and her beauty replaces the glory of God. So, man sees his reflection in the woman rather than in God. He grades himself and his masculinity in the responses and opinions he receives from women.
I find it interesting that God created Adam apart from Eve. God walked with Adam for some time before he created and presented the woman to him. If a man is to walk with God; if he is to be fathered by God, he must let go of Eve. He must cease his pursuit for her comfort; for her beauty, and her maternal instinct to satisfy his father hunger.
A woman can not bestow masculinity, nor can her maternal instinct heal the wounded masculine soul. He is father-famished, and mothering this type of wound will further emasculate him, extending his adolescence years and perhaps decades beyond the stage of normal boyhood.
Read the following short conversation between Nullah, a little half breed Aboriginal boy, and Drover, an Australian cattle driver from the movie Australia:
Nullah: You a man, Drover?
Drover: Yeah, I try to be.
Nullah: Sometimes man got to get away from woman.
Drover: Maybe.
Nullah: That’s why you go droving.
Drover: I go droving ’cause that’s my job.
Nullah: If you don’t go droving, you not a man.
Young Nullah has learned from his grandfather, King George, an old Aboriginal man that a boy can not become a man until he leaves his mother and completes his walkabout into the wilderness.
Drover, played by Hugh Jackman, later explains to Lady Sarah Ashley, played by Nicole Kidman, that Nullah needs to go on walkabout and that without ceremony (walkabout) the boy will have no love in his heart, he’ll have nothing; no dreaming, no story, and no country.
And this is the problem with our culture. Boys do not, in a healthy way, detach from the woman, which should be initiated by the father’s invitation. The ceremony between father and son never happens, and so, the son remains a boy with no love in his heart, no dreaming, no story, and no country or belonging. As a matter of fact, for far too many boys, there is no father to speak of. And so, men awkwardly and inappropriately remain attached to the woman as mother rather than as an equal. Romance becomes incestuous and confusing, as men become seekers of mothers rather than partners.
I have firsthand experience with this. You see, I lived a parent-child relationship for the first fifteen years of my marriage to Toni. It was a wise counselor, Jim Matthews, who pointed this out to Toni and I during a crisis therapy session. Oddly, Toni was the mother I’d always wanted, and I was the son she wanted to fix and mother. I was terribly unfathered and a broken man. We almost lost our marriage many times throughout those first fifteen years.
At one point, Toni stepped out in faith and ceased mothering me, which allowed me to fail or succeed until I became the man she needed and deserved. Without my wife acting as my mother, I had to grow up, or I’d lose my family of three sons and one daughter. My legacy and my children’s future were at stake.
In a miraculous way, and due to the courage of my wife, I became the man, husband, and father my family needed and deserved. This is why I have written this article, to tell others that change is possible, even in the most damaged life or marriage, there is hope and healing. My good friends, Dustin Scott Guerrero and his wife Angie Orlando-Guerrero also have an amazing and beautiful story of healing and restoration that is powerful and inspiring. Their’s is the kind of story that would make an amazing Hollywood movie!
You see, a real woman does not want a grown man to follow her around like a lost boy or puppy. When the cuteness wears off, she awkwardly becomes a mother, rather than a lover of a true man. Relationships become difficult when a man can not give, but is in contestant need to receive.
A man must detach from Eve in order to become attached to the Father Heart of God. Without a father in the life of a boy, the boy becomes lost and wounded. When the boy ages into adulthood, without initiation and ceremony, he hides his unfathered and boyish heart with the fig leaves of false masculinity and posing.
Wounded boys and men like this need healing. Jordan and I have witnessed the miracle of healing and restoration of men’s hearts to the Father Heart of God in the space of a few days. God can and does heal by just one word. After all, did not God speak the world into existence by the Word of his power?
“For He spoke, and all things came into being. A single command from His lips and all creation obeyed and stood its ground.” –Psalms 33:9
“His Son is the radiance of his glory, the very image of his substance, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purified us of our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high…” –Hebrews 1:3
Yes, God can do a miracle in a man’s soul with one word!
Also, do you see the connection between “His Son is the radiance of his glory,” and “you, being, or becoming His son,” reflecting his radiance? This is something that only the Father-God can do. This is not the woman’s place or role in a man’s life.
A real woman desires a real man. However, so many women have settled for boys trapped inside the body of a man and so become mothers. This cycle repeats itself over and over again. Women searching for real men and real men searching for real women, but finding only the adolescent forms of what whole men and women should be. Only God can stop this cycle, and it starts with the healing of father wounds in the hearts of men and women.
The enemy has spoken words of power also, and so stricken and wounded the hearts of people by using wounded fathers and mothers, too, to wound the heart and soul of their offspring. Thus perpetuating cursed boys and girls, which grow up with insatiable (impossible to satisfying) desires, or appetites for sex and drugs, or eating disorders. The hole is a God sized hole, which only his wholeness can fill. But since many significant wounds originate with the father or mother, they are driven away from the Father Heart of God and the nurturing and maternal presence of the Holy Spirit.
John Eldredge, author and speaker, wrote the following:
“A wound that is not wept for is a wound, which can not be healed.”
And so, we live a life without tears, without compassion and love for our own wounded hearts and souls. We all die silently while God has delivered to us our only remedy, that is, Jesus Christ.
“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” said Jesus –John 14:6.
The Father is the principal destination, and the Son is the vehicle, or passage way to the heart of Abba-God. (Abba is Hebrew for: Papa or Da-da, an endearing term for Father).
“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” –Romans 8:15
“Because you are now part of God’s family, He sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts; and the Spirit calls out, “Abba, Father.” –Galatians 4:6
For those who have the Water of Life, start watering. For those of you, my dear friends, and those whom I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting, drink deeply from the Water of Life, and you will never go thirsty again.
Jesus said, “… Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst—not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life.” –John 4:14
If you want to hear more about this amazing Water and the Father Heart of God, message me, or ask for it from others who are drinking from this Well of Life and who are acquainted with the Abba of Jesus.
Don’t remain in slavery, and do not give into fear, but receive the Spirit of Life, of adoption into the family of God — into the Father-Heart of God.
Do not silently hide, or dismiss your heart, become the man you were meant to become, and simply pray and ask God to father you in the way you should go, and you will find peace and wholeness.
Our God is no deadbeat, Dad, but the Everlasting Father, Wonderful Counselor, the Mighty God, and the Prince of Peace! –Isaiah 9:6
Becoming a true and whole man is what every real woman desires — she’s after the authentic you!
A few years ago, a Christian brother approached me and confessed that he was in a relationship with a married woman for the past two years.
He went on and told me the woman was unhappy in her marriage and that he and this woman were in love. The real shock came after he told me that he had spoken to his pastor about this relationship. Under full disclosure, he had asked the pastor if he should continue with the relationship, and the pastor’s reply:
“Well, let me pray about this and get back to you.”
Scripture is quite clear as to the answer of my friend’s question and confusion.
Why are so many Christians practicing sexual fornication, adultery, and other destructive lifestyles unchecked and unchallenged by churches and pastors?
Why are so many Churches and pastors so outspoken against homosexuality, yet tolerate their congregation’s practices of heterosexual sins and adultery?
Sexuality is sacred and purposed filled and is sanctioned only in the bonds of marriage between a man and a woman. Yet, even Christianity is progressively easing back from the sacredness of sexuality and marriage. And, it is creating excuses and confusion by its silence towards the biblical view of sexuality and its sacredness.
I guess it’s more profitable to be silent as a pastor regarding sexual sins than to preach God’s Word and truth as it relates to the sacredness of true sexuality. Christianity has created within itself a sin-dependent class and a sin tolerant class of Christians. I think many pastors and church boards believe that if pastors and teachers preached the biblical truth on sexuality their church attendance and tithing would rapidly decline.
And so, many churches and Christian leaders across this nation are flirting with the development of a hybrid-Christian world view of sexuality and political/religious correctness. Thus, mixing two world views to increase their fame and fortunes. I sincerely wish it were not so!
You can not use post-fallen man as a template of God’s ordination for the sacred. Only in Christ is man/woman restored, body, mind, and spirit. Either his/her mind is transformed or it is not. Our identity is not our sin, nor is it our sexual proclivities. Our identity and sexual orientation is redeemed and cleansed, and so we must cease from sin through the power of God’s grace and the blood of Christ Jesus, his Son.
Therefore, one cannot be a Christian and be homosexual, bisexual, transgender or transvestite in thought or in deed. Nor can one be a Christian and live a lifestyle of unchecked fornication and adultery. For Christ not only fulfilled all the law, but changed the direction of the law to inwardly, making even our hearts and minds the territory of His Holy Presence and Kingdom.
Sexual purity is a necessity and is not an option! Even so, God is full of grace and mercy. Only do not use his grace and mercy as a crutch.
The sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit transforms and conforms us, even those with homosexual thoughts and feelings, into the attitude and image of Christ, the perfect man. It is a cooperative relationship between the Spirit of Christ and the spirit of man, and it is not an easy process. It is at times messy and wrought with failure and setbacks, but God’s grace is not only his goodness, but more so, his enabling power of transformation and aid in our times of need.
The Spirit of Grace does not leave us in our sin and with our proclivities, nor leaves us subjugated to its strongholds of thoughts and imaginations, but rather delivers us from evil.
Yes, race, sex and gender are sacred and ordained by God as he originally created them to be. But not what sin has devolved or distorted it into.
Do not equate the plight of racism with sexual orientation or gender confusion. Even if gender confusion and homosexuality happens in the womb or is a result of early childhood environmental development, it does not make it sacred, but rather the results of the original fall and rebellion of man.
We are all born into sin, and none are innocent. Whether one is born heterosexual or chooses to be homosexual, we are all in need of a Redeemer and utterly lost and hopeless without Christ. The power of the Gospel is good news to both the outer and inner life of all people. None are left out or excluded from salvation and redemption in Christ. In God, there is no favoritism; nor racism; nor sexism. He is the God of all and has all the power to transform any sinner and of any sexual orientation.
Even though God originally created man heterosexual, the fall of the heterosexual man and his sexual promiscuity is just as vile as the sexual actions of homosexuality. The promiscuity of one is met with the same consequences as that of the other.
God ordained man and woman to be one. Anything beyond this is outside of God’s ordination and is subject to the laws of sin and death, for both the heterosexual and homosexual.
Christ is the hope of all peoples of the earth, and none are excluded from his saving power, except only those who refuse to believe and obey.
“Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God.” –Romans 12:2 World English Bible (WEB)
Don’t be confused, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, thoughts, and imaginations.
A life without standards is a life without value. A valueless life is a life without real love. Don’t be that person that cheapens love for sex—don’t do as the world does, but rather do what’s right, true and pure. Value your sexuality and the sexuality of others. Honor God with your body, and do not be confused!
Call To Courage 