Nothing can be more meaningful or powerful as the Father Heart of GOD.
The reason you feel like a victim is because you do not feel like a son or daughter. Having an “orphan mentality” makes you vulnerable and an easy target of doom and gloom.
The longer you see yourself as an orphan, you become a prime target by the Father of Lies and his abusive cohorts. Trust me, the Father of Lies, well he’s nothing but a deadbeat dad. Nothing good can come from him. He can’t offer you a future, but only a darkened past.
The Enemy’s plan? Cause you pain to rob you of your future. God’s plan? Give you a future through your pain and rob the Enemy.
Stop interpreting your hardship as a series of mishaps. If you begin to embrace all hardship as an established fact of your son-ship, suddenly you’ll gain strength you’ve never thought possible. Our God is no dead-beat dad; those whom he loves, he inflicts hardship, and his hardship for your life comes from a good place—his heart.
“My child, don’t reject the Lord’s discipline, and don’t be upset when he corrects you. For the Lord corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights. Joyful is the person who finds wisdom, the one who gains understanding.” –Proverbs 3:11-13
“Endure [all] suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline?” [Emphasis mine] –Hebrews 12:7
“God corrects all his children, and if he doesn’t correct you, then you don’t really belong to him.” –Hebrews 12:8
GOD is fathering you into the best son, or daughter you can be, because that’s what a good father does.
Nothing can be more meaningful or powerful as the Father Heart of GOD.
Maybe you’re simply misunderstanding your difficulties. If you can accept difficulties as a test from God rather than bad luck, you’ll want to pass the test instead of complaining about it.
Maybe you’re not an orphan after all, maybe God is fathering you because he’s in love with you, just like a real daddy.
So, snap out of it!
You’re not an orphan but a son or daughter of The Most High God!
Well, this is what I thought my name was—not because my mom and dad called me Shame, but somehow, in their inflection—when they used my real name—shame is what I had felt. Shame is my earliest memory—which, believe it or not, I was only eighteen months old!
In the spring of 1961, I was a toddler, sitting on my highchair in Paramus, New Jersey, about to eat my very first peanut butter sandwich. My mom had skillfully cut the crust away and segmented my sandwich into four small squares. I remember staring at the plate mom placed on my stainless steel highchair tray. I guess I’m supposed to eat it, so I curiously picked up a square, oozing with peanut butter, and touched it to my lips and tongue. My immediate reaction was to curl my mouth and retract my tongue in disgust while drooling the pasty peanut butter from my mouth to my chin.
Without provocation, my mom grabbed the sandwich square, mauled it into a ball, grabbing my chubby cheeks so hard it forced my mouth to open. She then, with an angry face, tightly gritted teeth, she began shoving the sandwich into my little and nearly toothless mouth, pushing so hard it caused me to choke, gasping for air! Suddenly, my gag reflex kicked in, and I threw up milk and whatever else made it to my stomach all over the highchair tray!
Suddenly, and shockingly, my mom slapped me so hard, me and the highchair nearly tipped over! For what seemed like minutes, or at least until my breath came back into my tiny lungs, I let out a blood curdling scream! While being confused and terrified, my mother slapped me again for crying. To this day, I still hate peanut butter sandwiches.
As an eighteen-month old toddler, I couldn’t process that event in any other way than to conclude something is terribly wrong with me. And this is what shame does; It robs you of your identity and lessens your self-worth. You don’t even know it’s happening, especially if you’re raised in a house of shame.
I have so many of these kinds of memories that it could easily fill an entire book! I will, however, share one more childhood memory of shame for context.
Don’t Pee Outside!
One summer day when I was a normal seven year old boy, one of my siblings tattled on me, reporting to mom:
“Tommy peed outside!”
My mom quickly called me inside to the kitchen, where she did most of her interrogations;
“Did you pee outside?”
—Sitting across the table was my mom’s best friend, Gloria Martin—
With fear and trepidation, I cautiously nodded my head, yes. My mom’s angry face was enough for me to repent, but by seven, I had learned that this was the precursor to shame and abuse.
My mother reached towards the left side of our kitchen table and grabbed a small pair of curved pedicure scissors. Simultaneously, she commanded me to pull down my pants. She then yanked down my underwear, exposing my penis in front of Mrs. Martin.
Mother grabs my penis, stretching it out, and with the scissors in her left-hand proceeds, or at least convinced me she was going to cut it off! I was brutally shamed and abused. Although, as a seven year old little boy, my faculty of reason was undeveloped. I could only interpret the abuse and shame that something is incurably wrong with me. That, and hundreds of days like it, might be the reason my name, Tommy, Tom, or Thomas, was replaced with the name, Shame.
I think chronically shaming a person is similar to murder. I’m not a forensic pathologist nor a psychologist, but isn’t murder when you premeditatedly end the life of a human being? Shame kills identity and destroys self-worth. Shame replaces the spark of life and light with darkness and a desire to cease living.
Several years ago, I was investigating a burned out office building in Berkeley, California. Everything was darkly sooted and smelled heavily of smoke and ash. I was there to measure the fire and smoke damage for an insurance company. As I was photographing each room, I entered one office that had several floor to ceiling shelves filled with books. All the books were heavily sooted and many soaked with water by the fire department. Except, one book, which stuck out a bit. Puzzled as to why this book was so clean, I pulled the book from the shelf. On the cover was a mother sitting on a chair with two small murdered children under one arm and a knife in her other hand. The title of the book:
“Soul Murder – Child Abuse and Deprivation” By LL Shengold – 1989
Needles to say, I had to read it!
To summarize the book a bit:
“Soul murder involves the deliberate traumatization or deprivation by an authority (parent) of his charge (child). The victim is robbed of his identity and of the ability to maintain authentic feelings. Soul murder remains effective if the capacity to think and to know has been sufficiently interfered with—by way of brainwashing – Paradoxically, in order to survive and adjust, some of these people so traumatized as children develop unusual strengths and gifts.”
While this book is highly clinical, I began to unravel and understand what eighteen years living in a house of shame and abuse did to me. Tommy, Tom, or Thomas was soul murdered and the imposter, named Shame had taken his place.
This is not a hopeless story. Yes, it had been a story of physical and psychological abuse and years of despair and deprivation. But my story is actually very much hope-filled. I hope the telling of my story may be the catalyst for you, too, to find hope and healing.
My Safe House
Almost every spy thriller or story of espionage has a safe house. Well, at ten years old, I had my safe house, too. Only, it’s not the safe house of spy movies, filled with firearms, passports, and bags of currency. Nope, my safe house was church!
Church was the only place my mother couldn’t hurt me—even if she was within a swift and accurate backhand to my face, she wouldn’t dare strike me. I learned that Church was not only a safe place for an abused little boy but also a safe place for fake and phony people, like my mommy dearest. Churches rarely will preach, if at all, against child abuse within the home. I think partly because far too many pastors abuse their own families for the sake of “ministry.”
One thing you learn in a shamed-based family is that sometimes moms or both parents will use their children as props. For some children, like me, being a “prop” can destroy your sense of “me” to where you are nothing more than an image or an appendage of your mother. If it sounds incestuous, then you’re correct because it is. It doesn’t have to be sexual in nature to be incestuous. For me, it meant that I, along with my siblings, were used for our mother’s psychological and physical pleasure. We were all adornments that added to our mother’s glittering image. We were less than human. We were little shame-bots who obeyed our mother’s abusive shaming tactics.
There was no greater day of the week for my mother to excel in her fakery than on Sunday. Sunday was my mother’s morning masquerade! She would dress us five boys with button-down shirts, ties, sports coats, spit-polished wingtip shoes, and our hair plastered perfectly with Dippity-doo hair gel of the Sixties and Seventies! My little and only sister was dressed like Shirley Temple! Boy, but we were a real hit in Church! We looked, and, albeit forcibly so, played our parts as the “perfect Christian family” like trained little monkeys!
The fake “perfect Christian family” persona only hid the shame and abuse of all six of us siblings. While Church was my safe house, just like safe houses in spy thrillers, sooner or later, the bad guys crash it. Somehow, my mommy dearest found a way of shaming me in Church with a look that said, “wait till I get you home!”
My New Name
With the name, Shame, so indelibly written into my psyche, a name and identity change were impossible for me. Even though I became a Christian at my safe house, Bethany Baptist Church in Martinez, California, nothing changed in the Koester House of Shame.
I want you to understand that it’s not the house of shame in a family or church that needs to change. We do. Yes, some churches can become a house of shame also. After all, churches are made up of families, too, and ideally, are to become one healthy family. However, like dysfunctional and shamed-based families, sadly, some churches and religious organizations can also be shame-based. You should remove yourself from a shamed-based family and church in order to get healthy.
When you get healthy and free from a shame-based culture, family, or church, you will make healthier decisions, and you’ll see more clearly. Clearly enough to walk with God and maybe a godly counselor and begin the healing process.
My New Life
As I began to grow in my faith and reading of Scripture, I learned that my real worth and identity come from my Creator, God. In spite of what many people believe, God is not the “great shamer” in the sky. He’s not abusive or unjust. When Jesus of Nazareth began his public ministry, he walked into a synagogue, opened up a scroll handed to him, and read the following from the Prophet Isaiah:
“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me because the LORD has anointed me; he has sent me to preach good tidings unto those who are cast down; to bind up the wounds of the broken-hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those that are bound; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; to order in Zion those that mourn, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of despair.”
When I first read this, light came bursting into my darkened prison cell of shame! You see, Church is not an end to a means, but the means to an end of shame and abuse. Church is where I met the God of my Salvation and the Healer of my murdered soul! A good and healthy Church not only preaches the Gospel (“Gospel” is a Greek word used in the Bible, which means “Good News”). But a healthy church is a fellowship and family of broken people becoming whole together. It’s not a recovery group, per se; it’s a group of humble people living a restored and recovered life! Jesus himself promised that if we believe him, we will have life:
“The thief’s purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.”–John 10:10
“Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.” –John 11:25
Do you see how this is such good news to a broken, abused, and shamed little boy, as me?
God took away the imposter’s name of Shame and bestowed a new name upon me; I am God’s restored and Beloved Son! He healed my broken heart, set me free from captivity, opened my prison doors of shame and despair, and resurrected my murdered soul! My identity and worth is better than restored—I’m a new creation—fully pardoned for all my sins and clothed in Jesus’s righteousness. I’m no longer dressed to impress my mother, her peers, or her friends.
“Reconciliation Starts Here – Forgiveness Starts Here–This is Why it is Such A Powerful Weapon”
Christ came to reconcile our past and future so that we may live real and abundant lives in the present. Time and forgetfulness can not heal old wounds. This is why Christ announced his anointing through the reading of Isaiah 61:
“The Sovereign Lord is upon me and has anointed me to preach good news to the spiritual poor and impoverished, to heal the broken hearted; setting captives free, and proclaiming release for the imprisoned.”
Yes, he came for our salvation, but he also came for our healing; to release us from our captivities and to set us free from our bondages. All of these things are from our past. The above list is most often what has happened to us, and Christ is ready to go there with you.
I was the guest speaker at a men’s retreat a few years ago for a men’s group from a church that I had not visited or was I familiar with. At the opening of the retreat, I was introduced to all the men in the group, and one of the men was familiar to me. I introduced myself to this gentleman, and I immediately recalled that this was the man who had molested me as a child, some forty six years earlier.
What ended up happening was nothing short of a miracle and the beauty of the Kingdom of God – peace between the lion and the lamb was about to occur. God had given me the message of reconciliation and forgiveness a few days before the retreat. But before God would allow me to share this message, he asked me to reconcile with that man now, and at that moment, and to forgive him before I do anything else.
So, with God’s grace and power, I cooperated with His Spirit of forgiveness and mercy. I had kept this man’s offense to myself and proceeded with the rest of the retreat. I walked with God into my past. Christ Jesus brought us peace, healing, freedom, and release. Chains fell off that weekend, and a new friendship was born.
Later, I learned that this man had become a Christian shortly after he had molested me so many decades ago. But, until I had forgiven him, I was buried under a mountain of shame.
God, through Christ Jesus, is reconciling the world back to God and even our past. Sometimes, his Spirit of Grace brings us backward to reconcile past hurts, past captivities, and past imprisonments. Whether it’s us behind the bars of hatred and unforgiveness, or the whether we’re the jailer, holding the keys for someone else’s past offenses. We have a divine weapon against fear, hatred, and bitterness, and its called forgiveness!
Through the Men’s Retreat, God had shown me that we can only stumble over our past if it is left in a state of unforgiveness and left unreconciled. Because God is eternal, the Alpha and Omega, he exists in our past, present, and future. The works of Christ, destroying the works of the Devil in all the areas and seasons of our lives, are both completed and ongoing in a multidimensional way, unhindered by time and place.
All governments are upon his shoulders. The expanse of his Kingdom shall know no end. He is the Mighty God, the Everlasting Father, Wonderful Counselor, and the Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6. He is there all the time, and in every area of our lives, past, present, and future, but you must believe and obey Him and listen to His voice.
I can not stress how significant the voice of the Lord is and how important it is to listen, follow, and obey. Read the Bible as though it’s written to you first before anyone else. You’ll then know what to do and how to do it.
“He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what the Lord requires of you, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God.” – Micah 6:8
We can enter into our future with triumph, because Jesus Christ has triumphed over our pasts, and if we work with him, he will bring us to the place of forgiveness, even forgiveness for our past enemies, abusers, and those who’ve betrayed our hearts. It worked out for me, and it can work out for you too!
Forgiveness is such a powerful weapon for good!
God presented me with the opportunity at that retreat – God did not force me to forgive. He simply set up the circumstances. I could’ve gone on hating the perpetrator, exposing him to public shame, condemnation, and ridicule. But hatred condemnation, shame, and self-ridicule were the same mountain on top of me, too.
God softened my heart and Jesus gentley lead me to the cross, and there, at His cross, in a miraculous way, both of our mountains were removed, our hearts softened and forgiveness was granted to us both.
Journey with God, as he leads you, and do not dismiss your past, but have the courage and faith to follow Him wherever he takes you.
Maybe the circumstance that you’re presented with here and now is your opportunity to also give and receive forgiveness.
I can promise you this, when you forgive it’s because God is already there.
“Reconciliation Starts Here – Forgiveness Starts Here – This is Why it is Such A Powerful Weapon.”
“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn, through the sleepless nights, each tear entered in your ledger, each ache is written in your book.” –Psalms 56:8
“He has not forgotten the one who is hurting. He has not turned away from his suffering. He has not turned his face away from him. He has listened to his cry for help.” –Psalms 22:24
Our family consisted of eight people, and we lived in our tiny 1400-square-foot, four-bedroom, two-bath home in a housing development in Martinez, CA. I lived there from late 1965 until July 1978.
During those years, I was forced to share a bedroom with my older brother Jeffrey, who is only sixteen months older than me. I had always thought it was a mistake for our parents to room Jeffery and me together, as we constantly fought and were at each other’s throats!
But at the same time, we were both there for each other, especially after we both were terribly beaten, sometimes separately, and at times together, we were lashed, punched, or kicked. During Those moments, Jeffrey and I would become friends and assuage each other’s wounds or share our complaints and anger about what had happened and the unfairness of it all. And maybe our brief times of fellowship and friendship were based on the principle: “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Still, Jeffrey helped me as my older brother by caring for me when I was abused.
At times, we’d become fellow cellmates, imprisoned in our bedroom together for hours or perhaps for an entire day. However, I think Jeffrey had it much worse than me, if you can believe it!
At ten years of age, my life began to exhibit evidence of being soul murdered. Although physically alive, my trust and sense of safety were nearly gone. I was incapable of bonding and receiving love or belonging to anyone. The hole this created in me was too broad and deep for any human to fill. I was unwanted and unloved. The abuse was so horrific that it impacted my identity.
During those abusive years, I developed new titles: The Discarded One, The Disgraceful One, and the Unwanted One, which began to dictate my life and identity. My mother bestowed those titles upon me during her fits of rage.
I became a lost boy, un-fathered and un-mothered by nurture and love. My home was my house of horrors. I found solace in living a secret life of fantasy and daydreaming, similar to the 1947 movie with Danny Kaye called: “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.”
In elementary school, I would sit there, daydreaming of some incredible feat or be far away on a voyage to uncharted islands of mystery. I always imagined myself as the hero.
After my father had passed away, I found a bundle of old report cards. One report card from my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Dodd, stood out. On the back of the report card was written a personal note to my parents:
“Thomas just seems to sit here in class, daydreaming.”
Growing up, you were always guilty in our home and never allowed the opportunity to plead your innocence. Even if one of my siblings tattled on me, it would often end up with a beating or punishment. The only thing protecting each of us from excessive tattling was the military doctrine of “Mutual Assured Beatings!” Even the tattler could be swept up in our mother’s rage, suffering a beating, too! So, we used tattling sparingly.
This created a hypersensitivity to injustice, yet I felt powerless to do anything about it. Even today, I am acutely sensitive to injustice against myself and others.
“Fate, it seems, is not without its sense of irony,” said Morpheus in the movie, “The Matrix.” . Like Neo, the movie’s central character, he was powerless and a slave to a programmed existence. My “sense of irony” showed up in my career choices. I believe my sensitivity to injustice is why I have successfully settled claims on behalf of fire and water damage victims. I am empathetic to individuals and families being abused by Impersonal insurance companies that place shareholders above policyholders.
So, unknown to me, the terrible injustice I suffered as a child had fatefully trained me for my vocation. Perhaps it is more likely that the sense of irony is not fate, but rather, I became attracted to my career choices because of parental abuse and their unjust treatment.
Had there been an actual “Morpheus” in my life, it would have been so helpful to extricate me from the matrix of horrors. But, in fact, there was. This is why my hopeless story is so hope-filled. The name “Morpheus” actually means: ‘He who shapes.’ As you read on, you will learn through my story that there has indeed been, and continues to be, a “Morpheus” in my life.
Nevertheless, an undeniable force is shaping me through a maze of pain and struggle of good and bad days to a present joy-filled life, which now I would never trade or abandon. It would be like saying to a diamond, “Turn back into coal,” or to a pearl, “Turn back into a grain of sand.” I’m still in the “rough,” so to speak, and in between two extremes: the lightness of joy and contentment and the weightiness of pain and agony.
This precise pressure point masterfully creates diamonds of joy and the pearls of contentment within my life. Pain is never the product of this process, but joy and happiness are. Pain and agony are elements necessary to produce “suffering,” which produces eternal qualities and degrees of character that can not be developed in any other way.
So, in a nutshell, “Don’t waste your suffering!” It is the process of suffering that can lead to a fulfilling life! And so it is, I believe, for you, too. Your story is not an endless season of reruns but of purposeful and significant meaning.
“Rest, the answers are coming…” Said Morpheus to a perplexed and doubting Thomas Anderson at the beginning of his transformation into “Neo.”
By the way, you are transforming, and what that is will be revealed in time. The process you are in may be painful and even hopeless, but everything good and true, of worth and value, comes with pain and suffering. It is all a part of living and transforming. Until then, my dear friend, “Rest, the answers are coming…”
Be brave enough to journey into your past. Not alone like you have so many times before; no, this time, journey back with God. Invite Him into your past as your guide, comforter, and healer. Ask Him for wisdom and understanding. Then, prepare yourself to forgive those who’ve wounded and harmed you. Forgiveness is pivotal. Without it, you’ll remain imprisoned and tormented.
This was the journey that I took and am still on. This is how I learned the importance of forgiveness and the value of tears. Tears are the beginning of transforming from The Unseen One to God’s Beloved One.
During the early morning hours of October 11, 2013, I checked myself into the hospital for heart attack symptoms. The test results were negative for a heart attack but positive for stress.
On November 13, 2013, I tripped down the stairs, overloaded with my stuffed laptop case on my left shoulder and my overnight bag on the right, heading out of town. My first stop was Groveland, CA, where I was to meet with a few good men to evaluate a retreat center for Wounded Warriors. Then, I was to travel to the Bay Area to cram in a few field assignments.
While overloaded with baggage and in a rush, I tripped, descending the stairs. I tore my quadriceps in three places! All my body weight of 240 lbs. plus 40 lbs. of luggage was transferred to my left leg in a fraction of a second, which caused me to overshoot two steps.
Suddenly, a loud “SNAP” and instant pain shot from above my knee, crumbling my leg beneath me and launching me forward like Superman! Flying without a cape, with legs kicked out and arms stretched forward, I belly-flopped on the hardwood entry floor from the midpoint, landing unfortunately without superpowers!
While In flight, I yelled:
“NO! No … no, not again…”
I landed my face softly on my laptop case, which was catapulted ahead of me, but the rest of my body hit the floor with a mighty thump!
I lay there clutching my laptop case, writhing in pain, tears rolling down my chin when I thought of another visit to the hospital! We lost our health insurance on July 31, 2013, because our premiums were higher than our house payment!
“The Lord will make you go through hard times. He will be there to teach you, and you will not have to search for him anymore. If you wander off the road to the right or the left, you will hear his voice behind you, saying, “Here is the road. Follow it.” – Isaiah 30:20-21
There are many things that I believe God is teaching me through these injuries and the stress I have been under. God was teaching me dependence; dependence on Him and others in my life. I tend to be too independent and self-reliant, overworked, and overloaded.
I need to take a break from the busy “Martha Neurosis” and pursue the “Mary Calmness” at the feet of Jesus.
I need to live more in the reality of Jesus’ presence and truly rest in that all Government is on his shoulders, not mine, nor the Republicans, Democrats, Independents; not the Libertarians, the Greenies, Commies, Socialists, or MAGA.
I need to relish and relax in His governance and be swept up in its epic and eternal expansion.
It’s not a matter of whether God is on my side or their side; the truth is, God is on neither the Right nor the Left’s side; God is on His side. And I must join His cause and let the “talking heads” of the alphabet networks talk to themselves.
“For who has known the mind of the Lord? or who has been his counselor?” – Romans 11:34
“But who can teach a lesson to God since he judges even the most powerful?” – Job 21:22
I need to prioritize His ever-expanding rule of His present Kingdom and tap into its economy instead of creating my own or following the world’s economic priorities, which always leads to emptiness, exhaustion, and death. His Kingdom must expand its rule within and beyond us.
His eternal Kingdom’s expansion within us will inoculate us against the ever-increasing pressure of this world. If we all were to become Kingdom-minded and submit and yield to the Lordship of Christ, we would move from being overcome to being an over-comer!
I need to seek out his Wonderful Counsel hourly, benefit from His omniscience (his all-knowing) of me, and listen to his whispers before they become a painful megaphone. God will never cancel my therapy sessions but will forever counsel me. All I must do is show up, as there is no deductible, co-pay, or cost! Oh, and no appointments are necessary. Just pray right in!
I must relinquish my puny strength and small-mindedness and humbly stand beneath and behind God’s Mightiness and title, “The God of the Angel Armies!”
I need to exchange my war-weariness and shell-shocked life and take comfort and confidence in God’s authority, who’s never lost a battle and ultimately will win the war. He loves a stacked deck because he loves to come through for all those who belong to him and have the patience to wait on him.
I need to surrender the un-fathered and incomplete areas of my heart, mind, and soul to the Everlasting Father-heart of God. I must accept the challenge, correction, and discipline, even loss and pain, as initiation (teaching) and fathering from God. I need to agree with the legitimacy of my identity as God’s beloved son and not the conspiratorial voices of darkness that impose on me the false title of “Victim.”
“Endure your suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline?” – Hebrews 12:7
I need to allow the Prince of Peace to usher His reign of peace, calm, and good tidings of great joy into the depths of my being until my heart rejoices no matter what state I may find myself in. I need to celebrate His Peace, even in the presence of my enemies, whereby I can feast without intimidation or fear. I need to relax when I open my winter’s electric bill and read it in peace, knowing confidently He reigns even over things such as these.
I need to focus on the quiet streams while driving the busy streets of life and drink God’s thirst-quenching flow rather than virus-infected cesspools of worldly wants and desires, leaving one spiritually dehydrated and drained of life.
I need to completely trust in God’s judgment and enrich my life, every bit of it, with His justice so that all my actions are just and fair, not only to myself, so that I may live healthy and whole, but that the fruits of my life may encourage health and wholeness to others. I need to: “… do justly, to love mercy, and walk humbly with my God.” – Micah 6:8.
I need to be a man who taps into the counsel of The Wonderful Counselor, whereby He faithfully counsels me with wisdom and insight. His counsel protects me from the lies and seductions of the world and the inner voices of self-destruction.
I need an Everlasting, Never Leaving, Never Busy, Always there Father-God, who loves me and you so much that He puts his Spirit in us to teach us His most favorite Name: Abba, Poppa, or Daddy!
I want peace in my life, marriage, home, church, business, and everywhere.
Don’t you?
And, this Jesus, whose name is maligned, marginalized, cursed, and removed from our telecasts, prayers, and our speeches, from our schools, courtrooms, and public places, came to us as a babe, a child in a manger that became Jesus our Savior!
He is the Prince of Peace, and “… the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with righteous judgment, with justice from henceforth even forever. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will perform this.” – Isaiah 9:6-7
And The Zeal of the Lord already accomplished this 2000 years ago!
With so much authority, honor, and titles given to Jesus, don’t you think He can save you? He is your connection to the Father-Hearted God of Heaven.
It’s far better to listen to His whispers than through His megaphone!
A life where there’s no believin’ is a life where there’s no livin’.
Have you noticed lately that the things worth believin in are quickly disappearing?
Sadly, many marriages and romances are vanishing. I’m not talking about Hollywood’s shallow relationships but marriages of our friends and family members. I think marriages fail because people, once in love, stopped believin in the important things.
It’s not about the type of groom we were during the wedding. That’s the easy part. That day was fanciful, romantic, and ceremonial. It’s the kind of man that we’ve become in the crucible of marriage, and while the ceremony has long since faded, romance and passion are still alive and well. That’s the sign of a good marriage and of a good man. We need more good men and healthy marriages these days.
A good man brings out the best in his woman. Likewise, a good woman does the same for her man. A marriage becomes ugly when we forget those things.
I love the movie “Secondhand Lions,” starring Robert Duvall. It’s a movie rich with quotable dialog.
“… True love never dies. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. A man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believin in.”
True love never dies. It’s certainly true of our faith, isn’t it? Christ’s love for his Bride will never die, neither his love for you, if you believe in those things, and in Him, because, “those things are worth believin in.”
As a matter of fact, it’s Christ in us, which makes us into a good man and a good woman. And, the trinity of Jesus, a man, and a woman together as one creates an unbeatable marriage.
The reason why so many good marriages fail is when one or both walk away from Jesus as the center of their individual lives and the center of their marriage. The reason why the world hates marriage is because it is the physical manifestation of the Holy Trinity. It is a Living example of Christ loving the Church and giving up His life for her, His Bride.
“I’m Hub McCann. I’ve fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I’ve seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I’ve won and lost a dozen fortunes, KILLED MANY MEN and loved only one woman with a passion a FLEA like you could never begin to understand. That’s who I am!” The movie, “Second Hand Lions”
Who are you?
What kind of Man are you?
What kind of woman are you?
When you have no firm identity, you have only weakness against the things out to destroy your love for your wife or husband. You have very little strength to fight the enemy of your relationship with God.
So goes your relationship with God, so goes everything else!
A good and lasting marriage vitally depends on your relationship to God through Jesus Christ. Remember? It’s the three-fold cord of Christ Jesus, a man, and a woman. That’s your superpower against the enemy of your marriage.
Don’t settle for the passion of a flea. Have the passion of a ferocious lover, willing to surrender and sacrifice your life for the one you love and for God, the Lover of your soul.
I know that so many of you, even my close friends, have given up on their marriages and God. You’ve walked away searching for meaning, significance, and identity. You’ll not find it in another lover if you never had it with the one you left.
You’ll only find meaning, significance, and identity in God. Not in sex, romance, and one-nighters. Turn back to Him, and turn back to your First Love.
“These are the things worth believin in.”
So, don’t be a flea brain! Believe in the things worth believin in.
A while ago, I was awakened in the middle of the night, deeply troubled about the potential results of the 2024 elections. I got up to use the bathroom, and on my way back to bed, I distinctly heard a voice say:
“And this too must come to pass.”
I wrestled with those words for a few moments. And then I understood what the Lord was saying. If you truly trust and believe in my Word, then you must understand that these things must come to pass.
While nothing more would please me, and possibly you as well, would be a change in the moral and economic condition of this great nation. Even if for just a few years of reprieve, so that some of us can get back on our feet again and reengage the “American Dream.” Or perhaps finish our education and land a career. Or enter retirement with a full nest egg and an adequate 401k.
Now, as it must prophetically roll forward, the future seems unclear. But is it as unclear as we think, or have we forgotten, as we so easily do, what the scriptures have said?
“And you will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled; for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.” –Mathew 24:6
“If you examine the past, you will find direction for the future,” has always been a reliable saying. However, we must examine our future and God’s promises to understand the times we live in and the days in which we’re all heading. Then we can understand what the Spirit is saying to the Churches:
“And this too must come to pass.”
This is our greatest opportunity to meet the tremendous needs unfolding before us. As our forerunners of old, we must declare that the Kingdom and the Economy of God are at hand. This hope must replace the hope we have in our politicians—in the American dream—in our careers and in our retirement. All these things are mere shadows of the bigness, brightness, and expansion of the Kingdom of God! Don’t we want this to come to pass?
The Kingdom of God is where all our hopes and dreams should be focused!
It is, and always, will be necessary for us Christians to engage in our civic duties and be good citizens of whatever country God has placed us in. But we must remember that we are also citizens of the Eternal Kingdom and a better place called Heaven. Our lives must reveal our eternal hope in God’s promises and the future he plainly marked out for us in his Holy Word.
If we truly live as citizens of Heaven and declare to this needy world that the Kingdom of God and its glorious economy is here, now, then we’ve lost nothing but have gained everything!
I love politics. I love to watch its unfolding — the potential of good vs. evil. I love to see good men and women statesmen stand against evil and the injustice of our time. These are the vanguards of our society, suppressing the evil power against the weakest among us. But wokeism, Leftest ideologies, and the sexual exploitation of children are too much to bear.
“And this too must come to pass.”
I don’t like this—not one bit! But again, God’s word and his promises drive us all forward and set the stage for what will soon be. If we engage our citizenship of Heaven, what lies ahead is to be welcomed—not feared!
I say, let us be like the people of Whoville; while Christmas had been stolen, they still gathered as a village and celebrated Christmas anyway, and even to the Grinch’s shock and surprise:
“How could it be so? It came without ribbons!—it came without tags!—it came without packages, boxes, or bags!”
Rise up, O People of God! Rise up! “Greater is He within you than he in the world!” Act like a people whose God is the Lord and declare that a far better political order has arrived! It is The Lord God Almighty, Wonderful Counselor, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace! And the government shall rest upon his shoulders, and his kingdom shall know no end.” This is our true heritage, our future, and our true identity!
We may fail with political might. But, let us succeed with true spiritual power by loving each other so that the world may see and hear the True King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and President of Presidents!
Let us welcome all of it and fear not but rejoice because nearer are the days of our Lord’s return than when we first believed.
Remember and have faith, as “this too must come to pass.”
What stands between many of us and the life we’re supposed to live is our ability to bullshit.
No, this is not a treatise on global warming or climate change or the negative impact of cow flatulence on our environment—far from it!
This is about fleeing pretense and duplicity and becoming the real you. It’s about breaking down the fake areas in our lives and being honest with ourselves and others.
Wholeness can only be achieved by utter and complete brokenness. This is a universal principle. This is also the opposite of what the world thinks.
I like what Jerry Maguire said in his moment of a breakthrough:
“… Two nights later in Miami at our corporate conference, a breakthrough. Breakdown? Breakthrough. It was the oddest, most unexpected thing. I began writing what they call a mission statement for my company. You know—a Mission Statement—a suggestion for the future. What started out as one page became twenty-five.
Suddenly, I was my father’s son. I was remembering the simple pleasures of this job, how I ended up here out of law school, the way a stadium sounds when one of my players performs well on the field… And suddenly, it was all pretty clear. The answer was fewer clients. Caring for them, caring for ourselves, and the games, too. Starting our lives, really. Hey, I’ll be the first to admit it. What I was writing was somewhat “touchy-feely.” I didn’t care. I had lost the ability to bullshit. It was the me I’d always wanted to be.” —The Movie “Jerry Maguire”
You see a breakthrough, I mean, the kind of breakthrough we know we really need is always preceded by a breakdown. And, when we lose—no, rather, when we refuse to bullshit ourselves and others, we’ll become the people that we’ve always wanted to be.
You’re divinely purposed to become a living act of God’s love and glory. You can’t become what your Creator has intended until you surrender your own mess. That is, your constant self-effort to holding the broken pieces of your life together. Living in fear and dread that your secret life will be exposed at any moment to a live audience.
Living life on constant defense and acting co-dependently, or as a self-enabler, justifying the actions of your false self at the expense of your true self. This is the definition of what I’m referring to as a “mess.”
You can not become assembled in body, mind, and spirit, all the while holding everything together. You are robbing yourself of the very strength and energy you need by wasting it on supporting your falseness and phony facade. Stop being driven by voices inside your head, echoing the curses from your mother or father, or from the other significant persons in your life.
These curses are the voices of “false coaches,” driving you to repeat a cycle of self-destruction and family dysfunction. These curses are carcinogenic to your desire for wholeness and wellness. They are the cancerous agents eating away at the divine purpose for which God has created you.
“Gloria Dei est vivens homo,” wrote Saint Irenaeus, which means:
“The glory of God is a living man.”
The glory of God is you fully living, and not your daily self-destruction and learned dysfunction.
In the human body, you can not build muscle without first tearing down the muscle you have. Tearing down the muscle requires a determination to submit to the pain and deny yourself comfort. Likewise, you must have a willing determination to submit your very life and comforts to God.
James says it this way:
4-6 “You’re cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn’t care? The proverb has it that “he’s a fiercely jealous lover.” And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you’ll find. It’s common knowledge that “God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.”
7-10 So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God, and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.” —James 4:6-10 (MSG)
Pride is self-destruction, low esteem, self-loathing, and such, is what’s been behind your self-effort of “holding it all together.” This is why pride always precedes a profound fall. There is nothing good in this kind of a fall because it’s always a fall from grace and not towards it.
Do you want God’s grace? Become truly humble. Oh yes, it is painful to stop your self-salvation and accept the truth, and act on it. But the light, which will come flooding into your darkness, will bring the wholeness and wellness you’ve been searching for.
The problem with bullshit is that it is no respecter of person, race, religion, or age—it flows from all of us! Far too many of us hide behind B.S.
“Men love darkness, rather than light,” this is true. But you can not become the man or woman you were meant to become all the while remaining in darkness. Just as painful as it is to build muscle, is it painful at first to step out from darkness into God’s marvelous light!
The gain from the pain of coming into the light is worth the life of wholeness and holiness.
Did you know that embracing your brokenness rather than hiding it will cause collateral beauty?
There may be a divine and strategic purpose behind your brokenness that, when shared with others, may cause a chain reaction of hope and healing in you and in them.
At this very moment, you’re standing at a crossroad—at a turning point; your next decision can create a paradigm shift of unprecedented emotional and spiritual change.
“The Lord said to his people…
“’You are standing at the crossroads. So consider your path. Ask where the old, reliable paths are. Ask where the path is that leads to blessing and follow it. If you do, you will find rest for your souls. But they said, ‘We will not follow it!’” —Jeremiah 6:16 (NET)
Stop hanging out with the “We will not follow it” crowd!
You no longer belong to the crowd who refuse to follow the right path.
Stop staring at the crossroad in front of you and follow the right path. Stop saving yourself and fall into the grace, mercy, and love of God, and you will become the man or woman you’ve always wanted to be. After all, God put the desire to be his love and glory in you so that you may be fully living, fully alive to a world content with dying and taking you with it.
A breakdown is always before a breakthrough. God is waiting if you are willing. Open up to God or find a trusted friend to help lead you to God’s grace.
God can turn the ugliness of your brokenness into something beautiful!
May I be honest and a bit crass?
… It’s my prayer that you’ll lose your ability to “bullshit!” – Amen
To Know His Heart Is Everything; To Know Your Heart Is Where It Begins…
The wounds and scars your body and heart now bare are not those of an abandoned boy or little girl but of those of an adopted and well-loved child.
If you can’t recognize or misinterpret God’s chastisement, it’s because you don’t believe in your sonship.
It’s because you don’t quite know the heart of God. Well, maybe not enough just yet…
… You see, I just want to inspire you to ponder a little, just below the surface of your heart and mind. Just to get a glimpse at another possibility or maybe a deeper reason behind those pesky feelings.
Don’t focus on how you’ve been wounded and scarred, but seek out the teacher who permitted it. If you seek Him, you will find Him and discover hidden treasures that God put there.
Sometimes what’s motivating our feelings is a sense of unworthiness. True, none of us are worthy of God’s grace and goodness, but emotional unworthiness can cause you to doubt God and miss his good intentions for your life.
As soon as your heart learns the significance of your wounds and scars, light will come bursting in, and your strength and passion will be renewed like never before.
Or, you can reject all this and be stuck in a “Groundhog Day” life, whereby you repeat the cycle of God’s chastisement until you surrender to his love.
Kind of look at it this way; you’re being tested, not tempted. God knows your heart, and the tests occur so that you’ll know where your heart is. The hardship is to draw your attention to what’s going on inside your heart. If you’re stuck on doubt and abandonedment, you’ll fail God’s test. He’s cheering you on to succeed and not to fail.
Look, God wants you to pass his tests with flying colors. He’s always nearby to show you the way to his finish line.
I know, sometimes it doesn’t feel like God is there. Sometimes, it feels like no one is there, not even a close friend, your wife, husband, mom, or dad. You may think no one understands or cares. I know, all too well, how you can feel lonely, even in a crowded room.
Do you want the honest truth? All of that stuff; loneliness, doubt, and abandonedment, are feelings and are nothing more than an orphan mentality. God doesn’t orphan those he loves. Nope, not at all. It’s not God making you feel that way. It’s the Father of Lies, not your Heavenly Father.
God treats every son and daughter with the same passion. He wants you holy so that you can be whole. He’ll cut away anything that stands in the way of your wholeness. He wants you to be just like him, holy; separated from all that stuff that separates you from Him. Sometimes, it feels like abandonedment — even in your loneliness, though, God is at work.
Don’t relapse into your old ways. Don’t pretend to have it all together — pride is not the answer. Abandon, your false attempts to cover up — God sees right through your charades.
Did you really think you could get away with sin?
Did you honestly think God would allow sin, despair, and the devil to be your downfall?
Well, I don’tthink so. God bankrupted heaven in giving up His Son, Jesus, just to show you how much he loves you. Don’t think for a second that he didn’t love his Son. Jesus died to make you into a real child of his Father. That’s why he resurrected his Son from the grave! He got His Son back, and He wants you back, too!
Well, would you look at that—Father and Son – working together to make you a permanent member of His family!
Only an illegitimate son or daughter can escape correction, but a true child of God must be refined. And his refinement, well, it comes from a good place, from his heart.
So your hardship is not a string of bad luck. No, they’re a rope to pull you closer to the heart of your Heavenly Papa.
Seek to know the heart of God, and you’ll never get lost in difficult days. You’ll never again forget that you belong to him.
So, say good riddance to loneliness, doubt, and abandonedment because you’re a child of the Most High God, and He happens to be in love with you!
He is a fierce lover and a faithful Father. Hallelujah and amen!
Searching for significance can last a lifetime. Don’t waste another day searching.
The wounds of our past can most often propel us into a fruitless seach for significance. Our search is fruitless because the root of our search lies within our wounded heart. The damage to our hearts was done many years and decades ago, and most likely when we were children.
Being wounded in our hearts and minds as children is an attack on our very identities and creates in us a desperate search for meaning and purpose.
You see, the wounds to our hearts cause us to make a vow or an agreement with the curses spoken over us. The curses were demonically engineered to warp and distort our true identity, forcing us into an endless masquerade of covering and hiding false shame and guilt. Living like this can send us into an endless search for meaning and belonging. This fruitless search for significance can last a lifetime.
The curses may be the distant echoes from our mother or father’s voices, which may have inadvertently or intentionally cursed our future and robbed us of worth and significance as their son or daughter. And this is why so many of us are lost from true living and true loving, or suffer with an inability to bond with others.
An alcoholic father or mother, or your parent’s divorce or an untimely death of a mom or dad can also send messages of abandonedment, rejection, and lostness. Sometimes, we think an affair or love and romance, marriage, or a baby will heal us.
Our failure is searching for significance in people, ministry, talent, sex, and money, which these things are powerless to fill and satisfy our emptiness. Only God can fill the huge hole in our hearts.
True worth and significance come only from the mouth and heart of God. Draw near and listen to Him and allow the only God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, heal your heart and end your search.
Let God help you do the impossible, which is to forgive those who’ve wounded the very preciousness of your heart and soul.
“The Spirit of the Lord, the Eternal, is on me. The Lord has appointed me for a special purpose. He has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to repair broken hearts and to declare to those who are held captive and bound in prison, “Be free from your imprisonment.”‘ – Isaiah 61:1
The above Scripture was read by Jesus on the day he began his public ministry. The Isaiah passage was fulfilled through him for you.
End your fruitless search for significance by turning your wounded heart and soul to God. With him, you’ll find unspeakable riches and a place of real belonging and a life of true significance.
Breaking the curses spoken over us is not complicated. All curses were nailed to the cross of Jesus Christ, whereby Jesus took upon himself all of our curses and the very death penalty for sin. The punishment of death on a cross inflicted on the innocent Lamb of God has legally broken and nullified all of our agreements with curses.
Put your faith into the finished work of Jesus Christ. Grant forgiveness towards those who have cursed you towards those who’ve wounded your heart and soul. Believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus. Jesus’ death and resurrection have destroyed the works of the Devil and have canceled all curses against you.
All you must do is to just believe!
Come home to the True and Loving Father; come home, His lost son, and lost daughter.
Call To Courage 