The Missing Language of Love – The Power of Our Father’s Words – By Thomas J. Koester

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” –Peggy O’Mara

A father’s likes, for example, sports, politics, music, or cars, etc., becomes the language in which a father speaks to his children and which they speak to themselves.

The fact that many fathers do not listen with their hearts is why so many sons and daughters remain disconnected from their dads. His children may not like sports, politics, or music, etc., and therefore have nothing to say. I meet so many people obsessed with sports, politics, drugs, drinking, etc., because this is the only way that they can relate to or speak with their fathers.

Many people have no idea as to why they like or do these things, and rarely make the connection that they do these things because this was their father’s language – this is how they’ve learned to gain their father’s approval, acceptance, and his attention.

My father’s language was politics and technology. I found myself learning all I could about current political events and the latest technological gadget, so I would have something to say to my dad. I wanted my father’s approval — his acceptance and respect, so I learned his language. The sad part is that my relationship with my father was always in the shallows and never at the level and depth of heart and soul. Sadly, this became my language also between my own sons and daughter.

One day, I inspected a water-damaged home in Antioch, California, with the homeowner and his family present. All the decorations in the kitchen, family room, and master bedroom were covered with San Francisco 49er’s paraphernalia – I mean, it was everywhere! After I was completed with my task, the husband asked me:

“So, do you watch sports? … what do you think of those 49ers?”

I replied:

I don’t watch or like sports all that much.

His facial expression intimated shock and amazement!

I further replied:

… You like sports because this was the only way you could speak with your father and gain his attention and approval.

I glanced at his wife, and her face suddenly lit up with shock!

She quickly replied:

“MY GOSH, THAT’S SO TRUE!”

The husband just stood there, with his mouth opened, with the expression as though his best friend had just died!

You begin to learn how powerful for good, or evil, our father’s likes, especially when they become the mechanism of speech or language with their children. Right? Just as Peggy O’Mara wrote,

“The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.”

The Bible points this out in the last book of the Old Testament, and in the very last two verses:

“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he shall turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.” –Malachi 4: 5-6.

Do you see?

If the fathers do not turn their hearts to their children, the earth will be cursed. What curses the world is silent fathers and fathers that do not speak from their hearts. This, in turn, causes children not to speak from their hearts also. Instead, their relationship with their dads is in the shallows. Very little, to no life pass from the father to their children. Sadly, this lack of transaction creates an emotional and relational deficit from generation to generation.

Proverbs 4: 23 puts it this way:

“Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.”

If you’re a father, change the language from sports, politics, or anything that keeps your relationship with your kids in shallow places and listen and speak from your heart. From your heart flows the springs of life. Your kids can’t live successful, healthy, and full lives without the spring of life from your heart. Your words and language matter. It’s a matter of life and death!

We dads have the power of life and death in our speech with our kids, young or old. Our words have the power to build or destroy the future of our children. It is never too late to speak from our hearts.

Help build your children’s future and speak the language of love.

Speak from your heart and not from your likes!

Those Are The Things Worth Believin In – By Thomas J. Koester

A life where there’s no believin’ is a life where there’s no livin’.

Have you noticed lately that the things worth believin in are quickly disappearing?

Sadly, many marriages and romances are vanishing. I’m not talking about Hollywood’s shallow relationships but marriages of our friends and family members. I think marriages fail because people, once in love, stopped believin in the important things.

It’s not about the type of groom we were during the wedding. That’s the easy part. That day was fanciful, romantic, and ceremonial. It’s the kind of man that we’ve become in the crucible of marriage, and while the ceremony has long since faded, romance and passion are still alive and well. That’s the sign of a good marriage and of a good man. We need more good men and healthy marriages these days.

A good man brings out the best in his woman. Likewise, a good woman does the same for her man. A marriage becomes ugly when we forget those things.

I love the movie “Secondhand Lions,” starring Robert Duvall. It’s a movie rich with quotable dialog.

“… True love never dies. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not. A man should believe in those things, because those are the things worth believin in.”

True love never dies. It’s certainly true of our faith, isn’t it? Christ’s love for his Bride will never die, neither his love for you, if you believe in those things, and in Him, because, “those things are worth believin in.”

As a matter of fact, it’s Christ in us, which makes us into a good man and a good woman. And, the trinity of Jesus, a man, and a woman together as one creates an unbeatable marriage.

The reason why so many good marriages fail is when one or both walk away from Jesus as the center of their individual lives and the center of their marriage. The reason why the world hates marriage is because it is the physical manifestation of the Holy Trinity. It is a Living example of Christ loving the Church and giving up His life for her, His Bride.

“I’m Hub McCann. I’ve fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I’ve seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I’ve won and lost a dozen fortunes, KILLED MANY MEN and loved only one woman with a passion a FLEA like you could never begin to understand. That’s who I am!” The movie, “Second Hand Lions”

Who are you?

What kind of Man are you?

What kind of woman are you?

When you have no firm identity, you have only weakness against the things out to destroy your love for your wife or husband. You have very little strength to fight the enemy of your relationship with God.

So goes your relationship with God, so goes everything else!

A good and lasting marriage vitally depends on your relationship to God through Jesus Christ. Remember? It’s the three-fold cord of Christ Jesus, a man, and a woman. That’s your superpower against the enemy of your marriage.

Don’t settle for the passion of a flea. Have the passion of a ferocious lover, willing to surrender and sacrifice your life for the one you love and for God, the Lover of your soul.

I know that so many of you, even my close friends, have given up on their marriages and God. You’ve walked away searching for meaning, significance, and identity. You’ll not find it in another lover if you never had it with the one you left.

You’ll only find meaning, significance, and identity in God. Not in sex, romance, and one-nighters. Turn back to Him, and turn back to your First Love.

“These are the things worth believin in.”

So, don’t be a flea brain! Believe in the things worth believin in.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Culture of Life vs. Culture of Death – By Thomas J. Koester

If nothing changes in your life after facing death, then nothing will ever change while facing life.

While the Spirit brings life, the flesh and all its desires bring death. And this is why when so many face death, nothing changes because they already live in a culture of death.

Instead, walk in the Spirit, and you’ll not satisfy the desires of a death culture but an active community of spiritually alive people.

Being hope-filled makes you attractive to those that want to live, but to the death culture, you’re bad news! Your hopefulness points to heaven, a place unfamiliar to them. Their paradise is boozing it up and partying like it’s “1999.”

They celebrate the flesh; plump it up here, tuck it in there, lifting it to the top, and stretching out the wrinkles. They’ll pay thousands of dollars on their temples of doom. But im afraid you can’t “nip and tuck” your way to eternal life. There’s no fountain of youth, and Nirvana, well, it’s a myth!

Life is not what you are on the outside but who you are on the inside. All that body emphasis stuff keeps you from from really enjoying life while your soul rots away. A joy-filled and hopeful life changes you from the inside out! It causes your insides to radiate life.

Proverbs 4:23 tells it this way…

“… Guard your heart above all else, for from it flows the wellspring of life.”

Your heart is where the issues of life flow from. Live from your heart and you’ll become a life-giver.

It will change you from a sourpuss to a sweetie pie. Just ask my friend, Paul Spaar. He has all the reasons to be sour but instead chooses to be hopeful, upbeat, and positive. Sure, he’s had bad days—heck, we all do. But we wouldn’t know what a good day is without the bad days to measure against. Oh, and the ladies, well, they see Paul as a handsome dude. He radiates from the inside out. Psst, that’s Paul’s superpower…

… I’ll have what he’s having!

I’m not saying to deny reality; I’m just encouraging you not to make your reality about serving Death rather than serving Life. The difference is to stop worshiping that which is dying and start honoring the One who’s giving Life.

Jesus faced a terrible death so that you don’t have to. Eternal life starts as soon as you cancel your temple-of-doom worship and allow Him to make you into His Temple of Life!

When physical death comes, as it inevitably does, you’ll face it, not with bargaining but with a triumphant entrance into heaven. That’s where the real party will be.

Choose life and leave the culture of death behind.

Oh, and be like Paul Spaar. He dishes out doses of joy, gratitude, and positivity, to anyone tuning into his FB Live Broadcasts.

A Living Body or The Tired Minister – By Thomas J. Koester

“Here lies a faithful parishioner that never missed a Sunday morning service.”

Matthew 18:19-20

Amplified Bible

“Again I say to you, that if two believers on earth agree [that is, are of one mind, in harmony] about anything that they ask [within the will of God], it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in My name [meeting together as My followers], I am there among them.”

When the Church comes together in perfect unity, we form an abode or a habitation for the presence of God. It is our connecting and unity that creates the Church and not a building. What fills the Church is, therefore, not sinners but saints. Each is filled with the Holy Spirit and the likeness of Christ. We know we have achieved this when we have unconditional love for one another and respect and honor for those who are our servant-leaders.

This is not about the perfection of both the saints and those who lead. It’s about perfect love and devotion to Christ and his teaching. When we are devoted to Christ and his ways, grace, mercy, and love prevails. When we focus on the failings of one another, and especially those who must give an account to the Lord for their servant-leadership, there is no abiding presence of God. Unity is thwarted, the glory of God departs, and we simply become a building of brick and mortar.

Christ will not fill a building, no matter how pretty or architecturally pleasing it may be. He fills his people and, in a special way, when they gather in unity of faith, love, and sound teaching.

When we have unconditional love and forgiveness towards one another, and when we honor those in authority over us who must give an account to God, Christ dwells in our midst. Even when our gatherings are as few as two or three and have no building to gather in—we are the Church.

The concept and identity of the Church, which, by the way, is living and active, is not summed up by Sunday services. The reason why Christ said, “where two or three are gathered in my name there am I in their midst,” is not meant to be concealed by a building or regulated by a 90 minute service, but to become a mobile spiritual habitation of the glorious presence of God. Therefore, we are to be missional, just as Christ was during his earthly ministry. Right? Jesus didn’t set up shop at some local corner with a sign on the window, advertising, “open for business.” No! He went to where people gathered!

Stop “going” to Church and become the Church! Start loving, honoring, and preferring one another. Keep forgiving and loving one another as Christ has forgiven and loved you. Serve one another, as actually serving the Lord Jesus Christ. Do everything out of love and respect for the Lord. Devote yourselves to studying and reading the scriptures and practicing the presence of God within your own hearts and souls so that you may become a whole and a holy people when you gather. When the world sees your love for one another, they will believe your message!

Ministry is not meant for the minister. Rather, ministers are to teach the Church to minister first to one another and then to the world. Our individual and corporate maturity depends on each person operating in the spiritual gift given them by the Holy Spirit. The gifts given by Christ to the Church are offices, such as apostles, prophets, pastors, evangelists, and teachers. These offices are to train and equip the Church to do the work of ministry.

The officers are not meant to do all the work but to empower the church to carry out the work of ministry so that we all may reach maturity. An immature Church is one who produces spectators, which only increase from transient, church hopping attendees that are only devoted to themselves, and introverted church programs.

To the immature church, tithes, gifts, and offerings are only needed for self-sufficiency and to sustain the ministry strictly for the ministered. The tragic reality is that many churches simply send 10% of their revenue from tithes to missionaries rather than sending out people on a mission. Jesus Christ didn’t die to create token churches. Churches are not meant to become cemeteries of dead saints, scattered in the landscape, or sitting in church pews disengaged from ministry.

Did you know that recent studies have shown that sitting is more deadlier than smoking? Sitting around as Christians and as a church community is deadly to our testimony and our future glory.

An alive church is one that reproduces apostles, prophets, pastors, evangelists, and teachers. An alive church recognizes the expansion of the Kingdom of Heaven rather than the expansion of their sanctuaries. The alive Church sends people out and evangelizes new converts to take their place.

Time, talent, and treasure are outwardly focused on inwardly spirit-filled saints, gathered with an outward, unified conscience of obedience, and a call to “mission impossible,” rather than a mission for dead saints.

Letters in Red (said by Jesus): “Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them.” – Matthew 18:18-20 (NKJV)

Become alive in Christ. Live life to the fullest in Christ. Aid and pray for your pastors. Pastors, train your congregations, and do not just preach at them.

Could you imagine if all churches became equipping, training, and sending churches?

I think Christ died outside the Temple, so the entire world would see his atonement and would know of his sacrifice.

I think Jesus wants the whole world to see his Church, also outside the Temple, outside of brick and mortar buildings, so all the world would see and know of his love.

We must become more than a location, more than a building on East 3rd and West. 4th Street. We must become a living body.

If not an active and living body, we’ll become nothing more and a pretty building with a tired minister of perpetual ministering to over-ministered people with no mission; landscaped with clusters of graves and headstones. The epitaphs will read:

“Here lies a faithful parishioner that never missed a Sunday morning service.”

That sounds a little, like the servant, who buried his master’s talent into the earth because he was afraid and so risked nothing. Matthew 25:14-30

Be a living body and not a tired old minister preaching to the chior.